on a rainy day
i let the heart think
and the mind decide


the grass is vague on the other side

i came across the last reel of this film...this is where it ends

and so he entered the Angel's home,
the bestest home in the whole world,
on being greeted by the Angel's mother
he says how Angel is the bestest thing that happened to him,
and how she makes him happy
but lets just keep it to sleeping around with the Angel,
because, i madam am too young, you see
to young to know that she's 'the one'

the bestest thing that happened to me..
she takes all i give her, days when ive made her cry,
and then she lights up when i tell her i love her..

but no madam, she might not be 'the one'
because my 5 digit salary doesnt make me secure enough,
i am too young you see,
i dont know what i want,
i got it all too soon..
i was too young you see
to know that she's the one..

i want her to be with me,
but no madam, im not sure if she's 'the one'
i am too young you see..

she knows what ticks me off, and drives me crazy,
she even knows what shirt looks good on me..
i sleep with her
she wakes me up..
to seeing what the world looks from her eyes..

i love her, you know,
but im not sure if she's 'the one'
im too young you see

i know she's leaving
so i can live the life i want,
she loves me a lot,
but no madam
im too young you see..

the x ray machine

hopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshoplesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshoplesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopeless.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................


this one is for all my friends..

dont romanticze moments once you're awake..

leave it to the dreams....dreams dont have a blunt life to live..

you do.............


life..................................is beautiful..

as long as your looking at yourself on the other side of the aisle

the day before i woke up

i sit on this wall and

wait for you whoever you

are where ever you may be

i've been sitting on this wall

since i was 17 years old just

waiting for you

whoever you are where ever

you may be to find me

i shall sit on this wall for the

rest of my life if need be..........

zingbingtringtring

you were the psychadellic rythem on my mind

when i danced naked throughout the night

Crazy Beautiful

i saw 'Before Sunset' today...

and she reminded me of someone ive known for the past 24 years..

the words she said, even the ones she did not..

it's amazing..

and then we call things rosy...

Within minutes you arrive at the Angel's house.
It is the most beautiful two - bedroom flat you have ever seen.
Upon entering you are greeted by Angel's Mother.
The Angel's Mother immediately declares that you are the bestest boyfriend her daughter has ever had.
She pats you on the head and heads for the kitchen to bake a 'special cake' just or you - the bestest boyfriend her daughter has ever had.
The Angel asks if you would like to lie in the bed with her?
You say you would love to lie on the bed with her.
You take her hand and she guides you to her bedroom.
It is the most beautiul bedroom you have ever seen.
You take off your shoes, place her beautiful beating heart between the pillows which furnish the edge of the bed.
And you just lie there waiting for the mother to bring you the 'special cake' she has baked especially for you - the bestest boyfriend her daughter has ever had.

Close my eyes and count back from 10 9
been waiting all my life
been waiting all my life 8 7
it will happen
it will happen 6 5 seconds
left i am completely breathless
4 not sure not sure love me
loves me not 3 dont go
dont go 2 seconds remain
nothing ventured nothing gained 1
please stay................please

The Wallpaper

'You are so beautiful,

Do rude things to me

Please

I beg you'


some things just strike you for no reason

Fallen sick on a journey,
In dreams I run wildly
Over a withered moor.

life ke side effects

the background:
i walked through the streets of Karol Bagh mesmerized by the crowed and the energy that floated me from one end of the market to the other..
floated coz i did'nt need to walk, the crowd just floated me through the passage even before i took a step

the myth:
people who think i am sensible and simple must also know how nice a 3 lakh solitaire white gold base ring looked on my finger today
and how i would have seriously arried a man today had he bought me that ring, seriously

basic facts:
im turning 24 this year, and something seems to have gone wierd with my family....the age factor seems to be alarming for them...


chapter 1: the unanswered questions
the more im aging / growing old, im getting more and more confused about what i want from my life. My junior from college met me after a year and the first thing that came out of the 22 year old's mouth was: ' Gauri, when do you plan to get married?'

then ofcourse there had to be suitable matches around the globe just waiting for you to turn x number of years for them to plan their 7 pheras with you

Chapter 2: Damad manufactured in the US:
Pranay...a typical Alahbadi name for a 26 year old eligible US based guy.Mummy ji already dreams of her boy settling down with the Kashmiri 'kudi' but dal gal nahi rahi hai...
poor guy, probably dreams everyday that tank pac would permanently keep their officers on board....

Climax:
i saw pyar ke side effects the third time today, once with Navdeep, then yesterday, and then today for the final time...partly because i love to pass my time watching movies after padhai likhai, and also coz i still dont understand why all of us think we want to get married / settle down in our lives with someone because we have successfully crossed an x number of years...

the synopsis:
the answer to my junior's question, and by the way...there was something similar that Pranay asked me a while back, again about settling down, something i did not have an answer for is that...
im not settled yet, and i guess i wont be till the time i don't achieve my dream...im not settling down with someone because i have turned x number of years, it has to be a lot more than that...
and till the time i dont have the answer to their questions i don't want to give it a thought..

p.s: no im not in a cranky mood....

the lost kite

don't fall..

i belong some place else

A "peace of my mind" - 30 seconds of patience

I do not care what car you drive, where you live..
If you know someone who knows someone who knows someone..
If your clothes are this years cutting edge..
If your trust fund is unlimited..
If you are A - list, B - list or never heard of before list..

I only care about the words that flutter from your mind..
They are the only thing you truly own..
The only thing i will remember you by..

I will not fall in love with your bones and skin..
I will not fall in love with the places you have been..
I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.

A "peace" of my mind - breathing space

rain..that cleans through the knots on my brains...
air...that fills the deep isolated pores of my spirit..

you never left..
you are on your way back..

will i manage to keep my mind sane after
my work
my Master's
my courses
my family
and a trillion thoughts that go zig - zag in my mind????

Space Dye Vest

Falling through pages of martens on angels
Feeling my heart pull west
I saw the future dressed as a stranger
Love in a space-dye vest
Love is an act of blood and Im bleeding
A pool in the shape of a heart
Beauty projection in the reflection
Always the worst way to start

But hes the sort who cant knowAnyone intimately,
least of all aWoman.
he doesnt know what a womanIs. he wants you for a possession,
Something to look at like a painting or an ivory box.
Something to own and to display. he doesnt want you to be real,
Or to think or to live. he doesnt love you, but I love you.
I want you to have your own thoughts and ideas and feelings, even whenI hold you in my arms. its our last chance... its our last chance...
Now that youre gone Im trying to take it
Learning to swallow the rage
Found a new girl I think we can make it
As long as she stays on the page
This is not how I want it to end
And Ill never be open again...

i was gonna move out...ummm...get,Get a job, get my own place, ummm,
But... I go into the mall where i
Want to work and they tell me, im,I was too young...
Some people, gave advice before,
About facing the facts, aboutFacing reality. and this is, this
Without a doubt, is his biggestChallenge ever.
hes going to have to face it.Youre gonna have to try, hes gonna to have to try and,Uh, and, and, and get some help here.
I mean no one canSay they know how he feels.
That, so they say that, in ya knowLike, houston or something, youdSay its a hundred and eighty degrees,
But its a dry heat. in houston they say that?
Oh, maybe not. Im all mixed up.Dry until they hit the swimming pool....i get up with the sun... listen.
You have your own room to sleep in,
I dont care what you do.
I dontCare when. that door gets locked,
That door gets locked at night by nine oclock.
If youre not in this house by nine oclock, then youd better find somePlace to sleep.
because youre not going to be a bum in this house.Supper is ready...

Theres no one to take my blameIf they wanted to
Theres nothing to keep me sane
And its all the same to you
Theres nowhere to set my aim
So Im everywhereNever come near me again
Do you really think I need you
Ill never be open again,
I could never be open again.
Ill never be open again,
I could never be open again.
And Ill smile and Ill learn to pretend
And Ill never be open again
And Ill have no more dreams to defend
And Ill never be open again

- "dREAM" - tHEATRE

A "peace" of my mind - the final seconds..

@ im getting out...

$ (laughs)...ok let me go and watch the match now..

@ i mean it....each time you laugh it off, it brings me closer to this decision..

$ ( laughs again) ok let me go, ill call you later..


(this was a conversation shared by two of my friends today...two individuals who're growing miles apart)



why do people stay in relationships that dont add any intent to their lives...
does their "love" blindfold the reality that stands 10 steps away from them..
after some time, it all relies on how you "WISH" things to be when you wake up after a fearful nightmare.
your head feels heavy coz you'r carrying this extra baggage for long.

In my nani's house ive seen monkeys carrying their baby's dead carcus till the time every piece if bone and flesh falls down from her body. She carries it where ever she goes, imagining the dead baby is still alive...

many of us are the same...we carry carcuses with us, because of the fear of acceptance that we've lost, or are losing something..

Can you see...

Disater Management: altering the strings of life..

There you stand, drowning in the rain..
Kidding yourself the wind don't sting..
And all this time the thing you want is calling to you..

And who's gonna mend you when you're broken..
And who's gonna find you when you're stolen..
And who will always love you..
I'll be around for a while

- Steve Vai

you left me...never left my conversations

days when things arent really fine...
pretend..
tell yourself how happy you are with the 'other' things in your life...
if it still dosent help..
call Dr. Love on Radio an help him make you realize what a fucked up loser you are..
if you still manage to justify yourself..
force yourself to love tracks that include the words: time and memories..
if your heart's still not melted..
drink till you see two glasses instead of one..
if there's still no hope, and you and people around you have given hope..
then ive just found the sibling i have been in search of for long long time...


the one word that still scares me to death:
Forever


can you see....meee?

yours......impishly

the lost 'peace' (es) of my mind

vague..vagur..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vbague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague.vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..

This is the only word that's been running in my mind for 2 days now...
.....no i didn't think wiring it down over and over again woul get me a solution...

im just trying to wash it off my head...

yours vaguely..

A "peace" of my mind: the greed within

i want a rock...a house with a garden and flowers and wooden swing....or a penthouse with a view of the sun & heaven....i want to inhale and exhale like i've never tasted air before...i want to wake up to dream again...i want to chase shadows...to count the number of golden leaves that follow me when i try to run away from them...i want mee...i want to miss to keep wanting again...

i am what you forgot i was..
i am also what you missed in yourself..

yours graciously