i swear to drunk im not god

30 mins of life on a jogging track

my life becomes mine in the truest sense in the 30 minutes i give myself while taking a walk...it's become a state of ultimate numbness... than a weight loss program...the 2 km stretch that curves and goes up n down like my stupendous life...

so many sweaty bodies just passing by me...with a hundred things churning in their heads....almost like this Mastercard Ad with this ponytail chick running in a fitted jogging suit gambling with a million thoughts..

i saw these two men walking out of the park with me...two typical village guys amused by almost everything they see....They see a white Honda Civic parked right outside the gate..and one of them told the other "ek din yeh humari hogi"


the best thing in the world is to WANT things...its probably more trippy than even having em...you have to constantly keep WANTING it..and then i think of people...people who either have it all...but probably dont WANT any of it no more......



and then there are those who know how to dream...

trust me by the holiest of lords blessing Machu Pichu when i tell you im the last soul on the globally warmed planet to make a pass at anyone...flirting with a strange set of flesh and eyes gets me the same feeling i got while watching visual tortures like tashan... my near and dear ones know it..i know it....it's just aint me...


but i wasn't going to live with that image for the rest of my decaying life....so the day i set my bum on the "made to fit" seat of Go Air i told myself....years and years of morals and ethics have come crashing down to me...and here i am finally telling myself how my dreams are actually "my choices" .......cut it short...i was all planned to prove my friends wrong..and Goa was the ultimate place to do it...

im not getting to the nitty gritties of the trip..and how much i drank...and jumped in the pool..and jumped in the sea....and counted stars against sand particles...and shopped...and went paraglyding with the endless sea right before me...and blah blah blah blah.....(pics on facebook)

coming to the point.....the night before we were to return..all of got all dressed up to loosen up in the "oh so cool dude" place called Mambo's...the place is full of russians and israelis and pick ups from all exotic and not so exotic parts of the world....Very few Indians..It definately stood apart from all clubs i had seen in my city...ok let me divert from the topic again...before i move on.. let me tell you..."im just not into firangs" i have never been...and i dont see the idea popping up in my head one fine day...

but butt...when all of us were seated trying to get our brains intoxicated with Mohitos a friend of mine and i noticed this firang standing a few steps away from our seat...for a second i felt the seat under our non existent bum had blown away...this man by far in the history of my Gluttonous life was the most appealing piece of flesh and bones i had ever seen, imagined or sketched ....

and the best part...well he was smiling at us...all of his 32 teeth glowing with pride...there the mohito starting hitting us... finally...so my friend told me since i am very clearly getting a signal i should go and talk to him...me being me...decided not to..it was too early..and i didnt want to come across as someone desperate...an hour had passed by and the guy had stood and smiled from all possible angles around our radius...finally when i sat next to the bar...the guy comes right next to me.. smiles..and then comes and sits right next to my couch..."there" said my friend..."your the bitch of the first category if you let this chance go"...i looked at him saying to myself "serendipity you can do this" and then in a second got up..held Prateeks hand and walked off.....

that was by far one of the rudest things i could do to a man who looked like a greek god...i swear...you should have seen his charming face turn into an emu like figure...

i just couldnt do it...i just couldnt....

ive returned back hearing enough swears from my friends....

i might have made a few mistakes and even fewer blunders in my life...but i choose to do things as stubbornly as i can...a friend of mine told me i am too idealistic and i can never find an ideal man...not in this century.....

i disagree..

P.S. It's trekking in Gulmarg and Bunjee in Nepal next!



the life in me is the very air she breathes

"time dosen't wait for anyone...yet time is the greatest healer"

Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

walk on.........

one whose wooing with his flying tachniques and adventure sports craze
the other a celebrity singer

my search for a husband continues.....,

another year to go....before im ready to divorce my singlehood....

it keeps getting more n more trippy...
it rained...
i saw a rainbow...a beeeautifull rainbow placed right before my eyes as i moved my car through trafic laden roads of vasant vihar....

life today is what you missed when you were busy working towards your tomorrow....

now can i have another surprise..please!!!!!!

it's a beautiful day...

and i want you to surprise me with tulips and orchids.... and a hand written note hidden somewhere in between...

anyone!

on a cloudy april morning i scratched steven tylor's butt before aerosmith decided to go pink singing crazy with his hypnotic daughter trying to seduce a dance pole within the reach of a blonde's strand of hair that got stuck somewhere between Sitla Khet's altitude and the tiger who refused to pay me a visit while i stood waiting at the airport with a friend of his trying to understand if the tattoo on the ankle should be a fairy or a fairy colored with the tan on my back that happened to settle in quietly while i covered the sun over my skin trying to understand what was written on the first page of my basic and intermediate course module that i could'nt understand for so so long and today felt like someone had walked all over the road with too many tyres having already exploited it but at ease with the rain that colled her down before another day could be called another day or a wednesday or a day when i cant seem to understand the connect between whats said in the secret and what was quoted by people before they learnt to become humans again.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................i am the sand that got stuck between your index while you were busy drawing your luck line.......

played around with the whole bloody time.......

...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................itll all come around...............

and the reality hits me first thing on a monday morning....
TAXES..

the price we pay for dreaming big

"मुझे प्यार हो गया है!"

i've been repeating this statement to all my friends for over 4 hours ....

i happened to visit the ISSYE MIYAKI counter at ansal Plaza today....they have a new fragrance for men called INTENSE and as the name suggests...it blew me away...

im in love.....love is in the air.....i am in the air.....the fragrance is intensly in the air......complete - ly in love with the fragrance.....complete-ly in love with the men's ISSEY on my wrist....

"डूब जा मेरे प्यार में"..........कवि की कल्पना देखिये

i dont believe in sanctity...

...hypocracy....

could everyone agree that...

....no one should be left alone.....

two things on my intoxicated subconscious:

elope and make a friends episode

and second...create life and prove god's not the ultimate creator...

i dont want love to be my life's LSD anymore..
destroys internally while showing colorful hallucinations..

i asked someone long back...are you happy alone? the answer was..no...but im at peace and at comfort with my self and my life..

what is more important...to be at peace or be happy....be not be$%&^*@#

Serious Business

equipment procurement, emergency operating centres, hiring consultants, scope of work, quarterly report, incident command system, piloting districts, training modules, IAS cadres, activity schedules, technical bids, financial bids, CTO, early warning dissemination study, disaster communication curriculum, civil defence curriculum....

...............while the entire team in the conference room is busy discussing over the above mentioned points....my mind's constantly thinking of CHICKEN SAMOSAS!

feel like a newborn

...............

kicking and screeming

i am a tattoo maker...engraving dreams through green blood alongside the sea...i am a car mechanic...grease on my forehead..permanenlty broken finger nails...rubbing through the body of a 70's miracle...i am a wedding photographer...a boatman..a farmer with a white bull...
i am an english teacher under a thatched roof school with kids and goats on a land not known to google search..i am a lavender field...a crowbar..i am a telescope....i am the wind that dances around cotton fields..i am a newborns smallest finger...a newborns heart line on his palm...i am the air i tried to taste on the DND...i am the blue of the sea and am also the grey of the clouds...i am lemongrass...i am a puddle ..a muslin cloth...a persian alphabet...i am the sound of just anything spoken in urdu...i am the eighth color of the rainbow..a sand particle under your feet...the neverending over your fate...

can you not see!

optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable..

i sat today with my elbow on the table and my right hand supporting my face...just staring at the monitor....for over 4 hours..i don't know what went through my head...maybe it was so much that none if it could be registered..and i sat numb like somone was showing me a documentary on my past life..

someone told me yesterday..my problem is that im too passionate and too idealistic..

is that really a problem! or maybe people are just too damn confused and complicated to be simple and straightforward anymore..

i have a report to write..but im running my fingers through this keyboard to write the muck in my head instead....write....how does one feel when we express things in writing...just scribble every symbol that rushes through one's system...and we beautifully lay them over a blank page like french cuisine on a white dish...

when did i get something in writing last?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRVrQsdWDds

im not like you...infact im nomore like me either

is something seriously wrong!

the god of big problems!!!!!!!!!!!

O.K im not being preachy...just making that clear...but the following text (please add the title of this blog to it) was sent to me a minute back by my colleage...the 2nd consecutive day...is someone playing games with me!!!

this is what she had sent me..:

Once a young man came to a revered teacher, who was seated under a tree near a beautiful lake, and asked for the solution for his unhappiness.
After some minutes of conversation the old master kindly instructed the visitor to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink a few mouthfuls. How does it taste?? the teacher asked. Awful, said the apprentice after he had spat out the revolting liquid a few paces away.
The teacher chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and when the youngster swirled his handful of salt into the lake, the old man told him, Now drink from the lake.? As the water dripped down the young man?s chin, the master asked him again, How does it taste??

Good! he replied. Do you taste the salt?? asked the Master. No,said the young man. The Master sat beside the troubled youth, took his hands, and said, The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the level of pain we taste depends on the container we put it into. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake. And you can become a lake where you broaden your outlook; when you stop looking only at yourself and your own miseries. Look at life as a whole and the many things without which you would not be what you are today - your friends, family, hobbies, nature around you. When you are confronted with a problem, you see only the problem and ruminate over it endlessly which only makes the situation more tragic. Think of previous instances when things were better.Never compare yourself negatively with others. You are a unique person .

what the hell! that makes it two signs in two days......

today as i drove for work i happened to see a wall on Safdarjung road that said:

"What Goes Around Comes Around"

......man this is strange!

i know it does

Errrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Of implication, insinuation and ill will,
'til you cannot lie still,
In all this turmoil, before red cape and foil
come closing in for a kill
Come feed the rain

-Poets of the fall "Carnival of Rust"

there are no wrongs and rights in life
only convenient and not-so-convenient

just because people dont understand you
doesent mean you're an artist

a little over a month with these guys and the reality hits me right on my face.....the grass really isnt greener on the other side...infact i think the other side looks quite grey..

im tired...already...something coming from a person like me...just not expected....but i work with a bunch of money making robots who travel 24/7 for making their fancy TADA in dollars...there's politics in every nook and corner, everyone is trying to cut the other person.....40 year old's tryimg to impress a girl half their age...they all say it was much better with the firangi boss.....the Oriya lad's nothing short of a Baniya.....

im the youngest here...infact so bloody young it takes time for their statements and mindset to sink in..

there us no support...absolutely none....you're on your own, yet you cant take independent decisions, and nobody's available to sit with you even for a minute..

ive worked with kids....something i call the reason for my existence..i miss getting up in the morning and working throughout the day doing things that can give these kids some direction.....something that can alter the minds of an avarage human...

i work with machines here..they are ATM machines...hate working with no passion in my heart...

disaster management turned my life into a disaster...

man! im better off getting married and growing cabbage and carrots in my kitchen garden...

i don't really know how long im staying here.....really!


P.S: very very upset

not traped between the good, the bad and the ugly..

i begin where a circle decides to end..

in between deadlines, office egos and rivalries...the eraphone in my right ear keeps me grooving with a song called 'Puth Jatt Tha (street mix)' by a lad called Jassi Sidhu

you can pretty much take my word for the fact that i can't seem to understand a word of what he says...but i love it.....love it like a love struck pup...

my valentine with Jassi ji!

'Cause it's you and me
and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me
and all other people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you'

-you and me

nothing lasts forever....especially not love


but



what would you attempt to do
if you knew you could not fail.....

yesterday i spent 13hrs making out with a keyboard.....by the end of it, when i crawled down the stairs of my lavish concrete office space, i had misplaced my senses in one of the polished wooden drawers under my table....

belive it...more than what im trying to "forecefully make you believe"...it was "the most stressfull day in the history of my short working life..."

at nine in the morning i sat working on my first ever quarterly report that had to be sent to the big daddy's office (all of us have one)...and when i realized my left leg had gone numb it was 4 in the evening....10 mins break on my green terrace garden (most of which was spent on waking my long slept leg)...i was back on my seat.....

the report's gone....and hopefully the big daddy will find it ok.....but i still havent managed to revive all of my senses back...


i need a holiday(s)

Quest World...How much for the Taj tents in Jodhpur?

overeenkomst met het
affaire avec elle
το εξετάστε
affare con esso
それの取り引き
그것에 거래
negócio com ele
deal with it!
дело с им

Fall in love or fall in hate
Get inspired or be depressed
Ace a test or flunk a class
Make babies or make art
Speak the truth or lie and cheat
Dance on tables or sit in the corner
Life is divine chaos. Embrace it.
Forgive yourself. Breathe.
And enjoy the ride...

"everything will be alright
in the end

if it's not alright
it;s not the end"

-unknown

"..The mind goes on spining a thousand and one thoughts and the mind goes on moving-in the past, in the future. How can you listen? And whatever you listen to it will not be right listening at all. You will listen to something else which has not been said at all, you will go on missing that which is said-because you will not be in tune.."

im not in love....
...im in a state of perceptual anesthesia...

30,000000 times in a second, this mind-numbing, mind-fuking feeling of immense depth in the core of cornermost element of the universe hiding away from the glory of the the strength that can never be taken away, you can take yourself...how can you take what is already taken away from you...feeling of power, of speed, of energy, of hands shivering, of thinking with an overcrowded mind, with an empty space full of overcrowing atoms rushing through the boundaries of the million things i said, through another million words that failed to penetrate into the practicalities of your imagination, as minutes tick tock against time and the retina expands into what it is not prepared to see, folded fingers gripping the palm with whatever is left in them, shying away like an amateur eucalyptus leaf from the east of your sun, setting and rising without having anyone to look at it, and i wonder what would it be like to finally SEE imagine a light that seeps through the web of your own grey dreams, a place where you never let me reside, turing it into black matter of blank labels, on a day that the earth will rise and then set in its own lustful horizon, speeding through the wee hours of the night on a road that was once intoxicated by my love in the color of the brown bruise under the eye of the wedding ring that faded in the fog of december that took it's last breath and said - Crazy Beautiful!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Js293jlB_80&feature=related

Coffee Break!

my third day at IRG-USAID..the past two days havn't been any different from today..
even though these guys asure my feet are warm with the heaters placed on both sides of my chair...and my face glows bright yellow(too many fancy lights..i sit here like i was born deaf and dumb..

im the youngest here....to make it sound worse...the person right next to my age is the 34 year old kitchen staff guy..

every second man/woman who enters this office has to have 40 strands of grey hair....so much so...i can feel mine go grey soon...

the firnags are crazy when it comes to following strict schedules:
9 am: reach office
9:10 am: tea/coffee break
9 - 10 30: work
10:30: tea/coffee break
10:30 - 12: work
12 pm: tea/coffee break
12- 1: work
1-2 pm: lunch with tv (everyone from the Chief to Office Managers eat together in the dining area
2:30 pm: tea/coffee break
3 - 4 pm work
4 pm: tea/coffee break
4-5pm: work
5 pm: Dukan Band!


this is my third day...and my stomach has gone topsy-turvy with the 6 cups of coffee they give me everyday!

"you dont know what you mean to me...

and what you make me go through"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpYemelPItk


some things are easier said than done...

I looked at you and i see nothing
i looked at you to see the truth..

fade into you...

i think its strange you love me...

- mazzy star

What came back to me..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5BFjw7Bh48

Can you not see!!!!!!!!!!

i dont have a boyfriend..

i just know a man who will be very upset if he finds out i said that..



- Teri Pratchet (you thought i'd say this!)

6 months....and im down 10 kgs....i've been chewing my nails...and now my fingers since yesterday that i checked my weight...

6 months back the chubby (polite for FAT) girl weighing 62 kgs....is today 52!

credit goes to all those who made sure they'd squeeze out my fat and my breath...

Thank you

Yours Truly

3 hours of "chandigarh kare ashiqui"

not a word i understand...


you're my saibba

decorative lights..
one foot crack on the windsheild..
a 2 year old blowing balloons in the air..
a 75 year old teaching me the hard facts of life..
a black label as someone's gift..

30 diyas..and lots of waiting..
yesterday it rained...today i poured..

happy diwali to those who thought they love(ed) someone..

irascible: when did i tell you i wanted to marry you..

imagery: a million chances and choices on one hand..and on the other its you..your like the ground to which im rooted..

ameliorate:i said i would never be able to look into another set of eyes..i did.....he said things would change for the better...they have changed...im yet to find out if it is for the better..

transgression: every single thing you said for over an hour today..

elysian: He has changed....he pays attention to everything i say and expect from him....this is it!

stubborn: time..

begrudging: "i meee myself.."

above mentioned are a few statements made by people today......

i dont think this one made sense at all...

Sunday Sun

prostitution of development....
selling poverty..


that wraps up my days work..



what keeps me going through the night..

Sunday Sun by Beck

i wonder how my life would have been if i din have a fresh set of 200 kids sharing on camera how much they love APJ Kalam.....sing Kishore Kumar songs and Anuradha Paudwal Bhajans......

then hear a re-mixed version of horns on the JNU road for an hour stuck in a jam...

then enter LSR...only to realize how "old" i am...

life sucks.....if i forget about about the 2 (mini) Kathi Rolls i had today...

do i still give you the ejibejees?

as i moonwalk across pages of yesterday..
yet to recieve more on what the 70mm life has in store for anxious, childlike feelings..
the beginning of a fresh set of vague moments..
conflcting thoughts overpowering the house i want on the top of the hill..
from where i can't see myself..
so used to just wanting this or that...as i curl myself up i on a cold november grass of my lawn..
happy not having it...
happy.... at peace...with whatever is left in my palm....
the aftertaste of wine that did not taste familiar anymore..

inhale...exhale...

it is amazing.....you just don't see....meee

http://www.flickr.com/photos/14799559@N05/

ive been passing my time doing some constructive things..
one of them being posting some pics i took this year on my new Flicker account...

dekho dekho!

and they say im not patient.........

its been 180 days....

tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock

idhar ya udhar
kis taraf ho tum
tay kar lo...

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.


- Frederick Nietzsche

i think about you everyday
they say "get a life"
i say "no"!

the last rain of september...the day before i decided to grow up...well...have i?

and people say "i" look naughty!

I took this one when i was visiting the villages near Mukteshwar.......best shots are captured when they are least expected.....i guess same goes for life...

Horror Scope

Virgo: 4th September '07
Things are getting better from today...you will recieve good news through a telephonic conversation....finances will be on the brighter side...go and splurge to celebrate your day....



even god likes playing jokes on me........


life........is nothing like the smell of october...

i cant think of a subject for this one...sorry!

im in the process of sending some mails for maa..and i happened to check some blogs written by people i have heard of...but havent met....

the following are my observations:

- most of them used the same background that i "had" once upon a time
- when asked... most of them would say they used this medium to "put their thoughts down" ...agreed!...but why are all of them so grey?

........i feel a lot of us create these cucoons to pity our lives...our selves......and thats the worst thing to do....to constantly tell yourself...that youre not sure of your life...things and people around you...and question the same...constantly in conflict with your self.....conscious effort to be anxious .....

guys...calm down!...

i have not had the most eventful...or the most happening life....but i've learnt how to put every single moment like a dialogue from Calvin & Hobbes...
everything i explain or say has a life of it's own....
a complete story in it's own self....
it's like a painting...
or a dolby digital screen....
and i get the sheer pleasure of seeing people's faces when they react to my simplest statements...


is'nt this what life "should be"...simple.....ironic....stupid.....complete...wierd...funny....... wonderful...serendipitous!

words should be used like you're throwing them at a mirror......you can see different dimensions to them....

for me...this is what my blogs are....just another space......where i fit in well...

i don't want to be an angel..
i don't need wings clipped on to my back..
not if i can't feel the breeze on my face..

make me the wind instead..


my recomendation for the day.....

Angel(accoustic version)
- by Dave Mathews Band

Attention!

For those who have a habit of forgeting "one of the most important moments in history" kindly remember to wish me on 15th September..

Blessings and love in the form of CASH or KIND will be gladly accepted

P.S: jUST for your help...there's a sale going on at Shoppers Stop......and i can happily provide details of counters one should NOT avoid checking out

:)

i feel nice..

in tune with my "self"


infact maybe the best i have felt in over a year
and i din have to spend any money for it
did not go out for a good meal
did not share things with friends either


i just loved being with myself...

seriously...it shows on my face

damn! im good!

Serendipity...How are you doing?

is one's one of the toughest questions to answer.......till date..





the best part of the day is to fall in love with the dusty shadow of a torchman while the rest of the world is busy looking at the (so- called) shinier side of life

the second best part...very simply put....is the warmth of my nani's hands

the third best part...is when muma n papa....call each other "muma" & "papa"

the fourth best part...is when it started to rain...just when i wanted it to






memories have a dialect....a language of their own...a sound of their own...

and when i dont want to hear them ringing in my ears...

are the days i tend to talk a lot

i feel sedated

i think im going to hit the atmosphere

Heights of doubt


writing 7 e-mails in 3 days....and not sending any of them

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am i still supposed to be counting days?

who decides where beauty begins
...and ends?


is there anything around me..
that is 'not' beautiful?

Soleil, quand vous êtes avec moi..je peux voler

Sunshine, when you're with me...i can fly

- Raul Midon, Sunshine

the day you bit my toe nail

im back!...and when i say so...i mean 'i the sarcastic one' am back....oh yes and for some reason i feel its the wheather (lets blame it to the wheather.. it's very in)...

im hanging between just tooooo many things.....with my life turning into a 'Da Vinci COde'...i dont know for how long i can walk around with that question mark on my face...(no im not Paresh Raval from that Anil Kapoor flick...and i most definately havent drawn a question mark) but the look on my face resembles the sign pretty much...

Dear oh dear....were there less disasters in my life....for me to take up studies dealing with the subject...

lets see:
i was never going to be an Einstien : not creative
i can never be a female version of Gandhi: dont take no fukin shit
i often get confused between mitigation, preparedness and planning : there i cant get married to a man (or a woman)...
im not the Sharukh of Swades...so im done with village visits
and im not duracell: i give up

my dissertation revolves around the follwing things that have been going on in my head..and if i were to put it together this is how it'll look:

An anlysis of the rural mindset of men, with special focus on risk mitigation measures dealing with people who preach, are retarded, and think they are always right, through an insight intoThe Tehelka Foundation's crispy spinach recipe ...


i dont see myself studying for long...because if i do...i dont see myself living for long...
anybody to mary me before the wrinkle under my eye starts to show!?!



p.s: the title signifies my deranged state of mind.....but im still a lovable creature :)

i believe nothing...........

not what you've said..
not even the words you scribbled...

none of it agrees with my reason..my common sense..

Can you see!!

hello

this is your life speaking



you have no idea what you're doing

do you?

the monsoon of 2007

moist by the rain
or hope under the eyelids

what keeps me from deleating my blogs











time

on a rainy day
i let the heart think
and the mind decide


the grass is vague on the other side

i came across the last reel of this film...this is where it ends

and so he entered the Angel's home,
the bestest home in the whole world,
on being greeted by the Angel's mother
he says how Angel is the bestest thing that happened to him,
and how she makes him happy
but lets just keep it to sleeping around with the Angel,
because, i madam am too young, you see
to young to know that she's 'the one'

the bestest thing that happened to me..
she takes all i give her, days when ive made her cry,
and then she lights up when i tell her i love her..

but no madam, she might not be 'the one'
because my 5 digit salary doesnt make me secure enough,
i am too young you see,
i dont know what i want,
i got it all too soon..
i was too young you see
to know that she's the one..

i want her to be with me,
but no madam, im not sure if she's 'the one'
i am too young you see..

she knows what ticks me off, and drives me crazy,
she even knows what shirt looks good on me..
i sleep with her
she wakes me up..
to seeing what the world looks from her eyes..

i love her, you know,
but im not sure if she's 'the one'
im too young you see

i know she's leaving
so i can live the life i want,
she loves me a lot,
but no madam
im too young you see..

the x ray machine

hopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshoplesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshoplesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopeless.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................


this one is for all my friends..

dont romanticze moments once you're awake..

leave it to the dreams....dreams dont have a blunt life to live..

you do.............


life..................................is beautiful..

as long as your looking at yourself on the other side of the aisle

the day before i woke up

i sit on this wall and

wait for you whoever you

are where ever you may be

i've been sitting on this wall

since i was 17 years old just

waiting for you

whoever you are where ever

you may be to find me

i shall sit on this wall for the

rest of my life if need be..........

zingbingtringtring

you were the psychadellic rythem on my mind

when i danced naked throughout the night

Crazy Beautiful

i saw 'Before Sunset' today...

and she reminded me of someone ive known for the past 24 years..

the words she said, even the ones she did not..

it's amazing..

and then we call things rosy...

Within minutes you arrive at the Angel's house.
It is the most beautiful two - bedroom flat you have ever seen.
Upon entering you are greeted by Angel's Mother.
The Angel's Mother immediately declares that you are the bestest boyfriend her daughter has ever had.
She pats you on the head and heads for the kitchen to bake a 'special cake' just or you - the bestest boyfriend her daughter has ever had.
The Angel asks if you would like to lie in the bed with her?
You say you would love to lie on the bed with her.
You take her hand and she guides you to her bedroom.
It is the most beautiul bedroom you have ever seen.
You take off your shoes, place her beautiful beating heart between the pillows which furnish the edge of the bed.
And you just lie there waiting for the mother to bring you the 'special cake' she has baked especially for you - the bestest boyfriend her daughter has ever had.

Close my eyes and count back from 10 9
been waiting all my life
been waiting all my life 8 7
it will happen
it will happen 6 5 seconds
left i am completely breathless
4 not sure not sure love me
loves me not 3 dont go
dont go 2 seconds remain
nothing ventured nothing gained 1
please stay................please

The Wallpaper

'You are so beautiful,

Do rude things to me

Please

I beg you'


some things just strike you for no reason

Fallen sick on a journey,
In dreams I run wildly
Over a withered moor.

life ke side effects

the background:
i walked through the streets of Karol Bagh mesmerized by the crowed and the energy that floated me from one end of the market to the other..
floated coz i did'nt need to walk, the crowd just floated me through the passage even before i took a step

the myth:
people who think i am sensible and simple must also know how nice a 3 lakh solitaire white gold base ring looked on my finger today
and how i would have seriously arried a man today had he bought me that ring, seriously

basic facts:
im turning 24 this year, and something seems to have gone wierd with my family....the age factor seems to be alarming for them...


chapter 1: the unanswered questions
the more im aging / growing old, im getting more and more confused about what i want from my life. My junior from college met me after a year and the first thing that came out of the 22 year old's mouth was: ' Gauri, when do you plan to get married?'

then ofcourse there had to be suitable matches around the globe just waiting for you to turn x number of years for them to plan their 7 pheras with you

Chapter 2: Damad manufactured in the US:
Pranay...a typical Alahbadi name for a 26 year old eligible US based guy.Mummy ji already dreams of her boy settling down with the Kashmiri 'kudi' but dal gal nahi rahi hai...
poor guy, probably dreams everyday that tank pac would permanently keep their officers on board....

Climax:
i saw pyar ke side effects the third time today, once with Navdeep, then yesterday, and then today for the final time...partly because i love to pass my time watching movies after padhai likhai, and also coz i still dont understand why all of us think we want to get married / settle down in our lives with someone because we have successfully crossed an x number of years...

the synopsis:
the answer to my junior's question, and by the way...there was something similar that Pranay asked me a while back, again about settling down, something i did not have an answer for is that...
im not settled yet, and i guess i wont be till the time i don't achieve my dream...im not settling down with someone because i have turned x number of years, it has to be a lot more than that...
and till the time i dont have the answer to their questions i don't want to give it a thought..

p.s: no im not in a cranky mood....

the lost kite

don't fall..

i belong some place else

A "peace of my mind" - 30 seconds of patience

I do not care what car you drive, where you live..
If you know someone who knows someone who knows someone..
If your clothes are this years cutting edge..
If your trust fund is unlimited..
If you are A - list, B - list or never heard of before list..

I only care about the words that flutter from your mind..
They are the only thing you truly own..
The only thing i will remember you by..

I will not fall in love with your bones and skin..
I will not fall in love with the places you have been..
I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.

A "peace" of my mind - breathing space

rain..that cleans through the knots on my brains...
air...that fills the deep isolated pores of my spirit..

you never left..
you are on your way back..

will i manage to keep my mind sane after
my work
my Master's
my courses
my family
and a trillion thoughts that go zig - zag in my mind????

Space Dye Vest

Falling through pages of martens on angels
Feeling my heart pull west
I saw the future dressed as a stranger
Love in a space-dye vest
Love is an act of blood and Im bleeding
A pool in the shape of a heart
Beauty projection in the reflection
Always the worst way to start

But hes the sort who cant knowAnyone intimately,
least of all aWoman.
he doesnt know what a womanIs. he wants you for a possession,
Something to look at like a painting or an ivory box.
Something to own and to display. he doesnt want you to be real,
Or to think or to live. he doesnt love you, but I love you.
I want you to have your own thoughts and ideas and feelings, even whenI hold you in my arms. its our last chance... its our last chance...
Now that youre gone Im trying to take it
Learning to swallow the rage
Found a new girl I think we can make it
As long as she stays on the page
This is not how I want it to end
And Ill never be open again...

i was gonna move out...ummm...get,Get a job, get my own place, ummm,
But... I go into the mall where i
Want to work and they tell me, im,I was too young...
Some people, gave advice before,
About facing the facts, aboutFacing reality. and this is, this
Without a doubt, is his biggestChallenge ever.
hes going to have to face it.Youre gonna have to try, hes gonna to have to try and,Uh, and, and, and get some help here.
I mean no one canSay they know how he feels.
That, so they say that, in ya knowLike, houston or something, youdSay its a hundred and eighty degrees,
But its a dry heat. in houston they say that?
Oh, maybe not. Im all mixed up.Dry until they hit the swimming pool....i get up with the sun... listen.
You have your own room to sleep in,
I dont care what you do.
I dontCare when. that door gets locked,
That door gets locked at night by nine oclock.
If youre not in this house by nine oclock, then youd better find somePlace to sleep.
because youre not going to be a bum in this house.Supper is ready...

Theres no one to take my blameIf they wanted to
Theres nothing to keep me sane
And its all the same to you
Theres nowhere to set my aim
So Im everywhereNever come near me again
Do you really think I need you
Ill never be open again,
I could never be open again.
Ill never be open again,
I could never be open again.
And Ill smile and Ill learn to pretend
And Ill never be open again
And Ill have no more dreams to defend
And Ill never be open again

- "dREAM" - tHEATRE

A "peace" of my mind - the final seconds..

@ im getting out...

$ (laughs)...ok let me go and watch the match now..

@ i mean it....each time you laugh it off, it brings me closer to this decision..

$ ( laughs again) ok let me go, ill call you later..


(this was a conversation shared by two of my friends today...two individuals who're growing miles apart)



why do people stay in relationships that dont add any intent to their lives...
does their "love" blindfold the reality that stands 10 steps away from them..
after some time, it all relies on how you "WISH" things to be when you wake up after a fearful nightmare.
your head feels heavy coz you'r carrying this extra baggage for long.

In my nani's house ive seen monkeys carrying their baby's dead carcus till the time every piece if bone and flesh falls down from her body. She carries it where ever she goes, imagining the dead baby is still alive...

many of us are the same...we carry carcuses with us, because of the fear of acceptance that we've lost, or are losing something..

Can you see...

Disater Management: altering the strings of life..

There you stand, drowning in the rain..
Kidding yourself the wind don't sting..
And all this time the thing you want is calling to you..

And who's gonna mend you when you're broken..
And who's gonna find you when you're stolen..
And who will always love you..
I'll be around for a while

- Steve Vai

you left me...never left my conversations

days when things arent really fine...
pretend..
tell yourself how happy you are with the 'other' things in your life...
if it still dosent help..
call Dr. Love on Radio an help him make you realize what a fucked up loser you are..
if you still manage to justify yourself..
force yourself to love tracks that include the words: time and memories..
if your heart's still not melted..
drink till you see two glasses instead of one..
if there's still no hope, and you and people around you have given hope..
then ive just found the sibling i have been in search of for long long time...


the one word that still scares me to death:
Forever


can you see....meee?

yours......impishly

the lost 'peace' (es) of my mind

vague..vagur..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vbague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague.vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..

This is the only word that's been running in my mind for 2 days now...
.....no i didn't think wiring it down over and over again woul get me a solution...

im just trying to wash it off my head...

yours vaguely..

A "peace" of my mind: the greed within

i want a rock...a house with a garden and flowers and wooden swing....or a penthouse with a view of the sun & heaven....i want to inhale and exhale like i've never tasted air before...i want to wake up to dream again...i want to chase shadows...to count the number of golden leaves that follow me when i try to run away from them...i want mee...i want to miss to keep wanting again...

i am what you forgot i was..
i am also what you missed in yourself..

yours graciously

it is i who decide where my heaven shines..
it is "mee" who lighten's up my sky...

i dont want to be the deciding factor between my heart and my brain...
they have a universe of their own...

yours patiently...