Première neige cette nuit.
Mais la trace de tes petits pas est absente.
Ce temps-là est loin!

Mogambo khush nahi hua

Im really bored at work........n ill kill anyone whose trying to be a second officer or going to bombay on the 5th of this month.........but since both of them are out of reach.i think ill kill myself instead....

this is my second suicide letter to the world...........

- Adi please take care of the two little kittens sleeping in the wooden almirah.......n yes that thing on your shoe ......was kitten's pooh....


- Dad......its a pity the world thinks you n mum look like brother - sister....but actually....you do look quite similar...


- My desi version of Garfield.....everything moving in the house and lawn...is not meant to be eaten........you are adorable....but it wouldnt take me a second to throw you out of the house if i see you next to the kittens.


- Kakuli...i dont know if you follow my blogs anymore ( as if my cat does)...but i will never forgive your other half for taking you away to the land of smelly fish and eggs....NEVER!


- For all those whove been teasing me calling me fat and count everything i eat.............f*** off! I'll pray each one of you bloats up one day.


- Ayela...you are by far the sweetest...cutest..most expensive little regret my mum has ever paid such a big amount for...stop running around stray dogs!



- Maa.....thanks for spending half of your lifetime building a mansion in Jammu.....i thoroughly enjoyed the experience of cooking 3 meals a day for two stuck up men for the past 5 months.....in fact..im planning to leave what im doing here and take it up like a full time profession - feeding cranky dads, stuck up brothers, stupid dogs and witty cats.



- Swamyji...i really like you for saying such nice things about me and my horoscope.....trust me...im none of that.


- Prateek..bro....Grow up!.....there is much more to life than the female species.


- Nishu.......i know the value of people i love....trust me.....thats why i am myself when im with all of you - cranky and irritating.

My last wish will be for Prateek to burn some songs for me that i really wana hear.....
they are not meant for punjabi yo - yo fans, not for head bangers, for those into blues or jazz and neither is it for people who have a real taste in music.....it is for people like me........who just want to hear em coz they are simply good...not lasting...but good...

here are a few:
- Scandalous - mis -teeq
- My shrona - knack
- Gasolina
- Flower - moby

By the way........Dirt by phish is quite good........i hear it quite a number of times......

Do you see?

Fairytales don't tell children that dragons exist....
They tell children that dragons can be killed.......

For all of us who've forgotten how to thank God

Next time you crib over something lame n stupid..read this....These are Just a fraction of the hardcore facts about our fellow population.

-HIV/AIDS, the plague of the modern world, has killed over 20 million men, women and children and the number of people infected has surged to over 40 million.

-At the end of 2001, more than 13 million children under the age of 15 in Africa, Asia, and Latin America had lost a parent to AIDS. More than 11 million of these children live in Africa. "Double orphans"—those who have lost both parents—are on the rise. The number of double orphans who have lost at least one parent to AIDS is expected to increase from 3.8 million in 2001 to 6.9 million in 2010.

-EVERY MONTH more people die of AIDS (240,000), and malaria (165,000) than in tsunami.

-One billion people still live below the extreme poverty line of one dollar per day, and 20,000 die from poverty each day.

-The average person in Cambodia, India, Nepal and Vietnam survives on less than US$1 a day

-More than 100 million school-age children in the developing world are not enrolled in primary school.

-Over half the children in these countries never have the opportunity to attend secondary school.

-The National Sample Survey(India), 2000 data shows that 9.8 million children (5 – 14 years) are involved in economic activities and another 6.6 million in domestic and non – remunerable work.

- Nearly 46 million out-of-school children are not in the workplace either. They are in a state of enforced “idleness”, performing some ‘marginal, irregular activities’.

-Many rural students have to walk as far as 3 hours each way to go to school
Of the 850 million illiterate people in the developing world, nearly two-thirds are women.

- India, along with Thailand and the Philippines, has 1.3 million children in its sex-trade centers. The children come from relatively poorer areas and are trafficked to relatively richer ones.

-Around the world, 1 in 3 women have been beaten, coerced into sex,other otherwise abused in their lifetime.

-By the end of 2005. 20.8 million people had been uprooted across the globe.8.4 million of them were refugees.

- 25 million people are internally displaced in addition to global refugee population of 11 - 12 million, most of them have been victims of war, crimes and crimes against humanity.

-Over 50,000 people are dying of hunger everyday across the world.

-Somalia continues to be one of the most food insecure countries in the world.Global acute malnutrition rates are as much as 20% in some areas.

-56 million people suffer from some form of disability and 10 million are visually impaired in America alone.

-An estimated 121 million people world-wide currently suffer from depressionThe World Health Organization calls stress, "A global epidemic."

The roses under my window make no reference to former roses or better ones;
they are what they are; they exist with God today.
There is no time to them.
There is simply the rose;
it is perfect in every moment of its existence."

Nightmare in a smoky nightlife

I have clubbed enough but its only lately that i have realized how these clubs arent favourites amongst people who dont drink alcohol. On satuday some of us went to celebrate Roopa's journey towards aging years to Elevate. Its been my favourite for some time now...till the time i realized long gone are the days when i had the strength to stay awake till 6:30 in the morning.......calypso took the cake..simply for the reason that you tend to burn less fuel......and the owners will throw you out by 2:30..........not bad...i could comfortably go and sleep before my dad wakes up.....Mostly after clubbing at Elevate i've encountered dad at the gate when he's going for his morning walk...........

Daybefore was one of the wierdest nights spent in Elevate...for the first time i did not drink.....nowhere close to what i would...Roopa was Drunk...eating...throwing up....eating again...dancing....Prateek was like a pendulum...coulnt stand straight....n our surdi friend enjoyed gasolina on his punjabi moves....i stood in one corner staring at the drunk crowd and wondering how i must have embarrased the hell out of my past 10 generations......

But i have to admit..the music was the best they had played so far...but the fact that i was completely conscious woulnt let it all sink in well..........The conclusion.....Bang!.........Gauri Cranky Syndrome took over...and i landed up in a fight with all three of them...really...a Bad fight.....enough to assure each one of them to not want to see my face ever again..........

Im the happiest when im with the few i love n care for....be it conscious or unconscious, cranky or crazy,funny or sarcastic................

Oh btw............i have some good projects lined up that im all excited about......n a paychek i am worrying about...........

sab sahi hai!

There is a rule in sailing where the more maneuverable ship should give way to the less maneuverable craft. I think this is sometimes a good rule to follow in human relationships as well.

Long time i thought i put one down today....


A lovely thing to see:
through the paper window's hole,
the Galaxy

glowing days of summer

im back im back im back
im here
finally here where i think i belong
finally not cribbing over what i was forced to memorize
forced to reproduce
finally i was relieved yesterday
what did i do?

ate.....slept.....studied....ate.....ate...ate...and....blah blahs..
fought...
my cat with a fat pregnant stomach...Again!
soon get to see the kittens...

noticed the 3 tyres on my stomach...
n the ones in my car when i drive it...
n the wrinkles on my fingers...
lines on my palm....
shape of my nails...
green veins that run through my feet...

saw it all while trying to memorize rual develpopment planning and strategies..
got to know myself a little more...

how i just can do without some.....
cant be with some...
cant get over my dad's laziness..
n my mums memories..
cant do without shouting at Adi...
n being made fun of when i say -"gar jana hai"...or "kana ka lo"...stupid kashmiri accents..
pretty feet...
white nail enamel...
shawarmas....south cafe biryanis
cant do without.....my blog...
my music...ayela next to my bed...
wierdest comments....lasting statements...
melting snow in summer...
days in the life of an A3O....
drunk nights....stupid mistakes..
uncontrollable anger...
lovable fights...
googoopanti......isye miyaki...
mango shakes.......green almonds...
dineshji's black humor
my paycheck......new clothes....
soft hair....
missing gauri..........few regrets....

its good....its all good

The Rural Tsunami......

why is it that each time around your exams suddenly t.v shows the best programs....vh1 plays the best songs......and the closest cinema halls screen the films u had planned to watch the last time u saw crappy films like Darna zaroori hai......

I ve been trying to juggle my mind between mahila rozgaar yojana and the new song by holly brook called where'd you go.....i recommend...both the video and the song.....i keep humming the song while trying to memorize programmes of the rural credit system....planning process....poverty in rural society....the process and theories of development....blah blah blah!.....

daddy thinks i spend more time on the phone than in front of my books...dads right...n ive just lost it...

there was a time i wanted to do my PHD n crap...now im trying to somehow drag myself through my masters....

dayafter is dooms day.....n here my boss is about to teach me a meditative technique to keep me sane throughout the week.....

please pray...chant...meditate....sing...do jagrans....black magic anything just anything....to make me go through all this...

thanks...

the neverending story

The heart itself is only a small vessel,
yet dragons are there, and lions,
there are poisonous beasts,
and all the treasures of evil,
there are rough and uneven roads,
there are precipes;
but there too is God and the angels,
life is there, and the Kingdom,
there too is light, and there the apostles
and heavenly cities,
and treasures of grace.
All things lie within that little space...

the most awaited break

The fact that Delhi is a crap place hits you when you arrive back to the city from a good trip.....n i got this shock 2 days back when i Finally managed to have a break from my routined life here n go to my Nani's place in Jammu...

For all the people like roopa who initially thought its a place in the mountains with snow n lakes...let me clear it first...its a city with a big traffic problem....electricity and water problems....overcrowding population and the tawi i.e, the river that flows through the city is almost dry..

But nonetheless i love the place...for the warmth that i recieve each time i go there...Roopa was extremely excited to be spending time ALL ALONE with me for 4 days.....gauri all her's without any distraction..

oh a joke id like to share on this...the day i had to leave our friend Kartik tried to act funny n asked my dog: Ayela, Gauri kiski girlfriend hai...a) Roopa ki, b) ek ladke ki....he thinks we r in a relationship......n there are a few of his friends who think alike.......

anyway..im positively straight...

The best part of my trip were:
- jumping in the river with nothing but mountains surrounding us..the sky was cloudy...n both of us were MAD.

-Eating the spiciest of street food ever...but mouth watering( before u eat it)...n ur eyes water( after u eat it)

- Had kashmiri food..gushtaba,roganjosh,rishta.kebab....yumyumyum......

-went over our capacity of boozing....the two of us finished a full bottle of vodka for the first time in our lives...then fought...roopa went senti...i fought more...then sat on a mountain cliff at night with the city below us...
(guys dont think we r alcoholics.....but we have our tims of completely losing it)

- Went up to the mountains...it rained on the way.....4 hours of drive uphill loved it!

- n the best for me was to see mum n naani after ages.....leaving them behind was the worst thing ever..

but twas good...simple but good....

bye bye love

The best part of what i do is how once in a while when im completely sick of the life around me...u know the preassures at work....home.....a degree( i should manage to get one if a miracle drops over my head )....days when my passion is taken over by the 40 degree heat outside when they make me run around area like vikaspuri,janakpuri and the other puris around Delhi......but then when i sit back in my room...tellin dad about the workshops i conducted that very day...n how a few of my 3500 kids made me realize how it was all well worth it....

My kids... from the private schools...Kv's....n some of my favourite kids from Ngo institutions.......give me a reason to smile even when im all sweaty n frustrated...

A few days back i recieved letters from two students that i wanted to share with everyone.

The first one is from a class 12th student of KV Vikaspuri named Sapna. When i went to her school months back...she was by far the only one who stood apart amongst 200 odd students. Sapna has Cerebral palsy.This is what she had to say:

"Cerebral Palsy – The dictionary describes it as “a paralysis due to brain damage before or at birth.” But these few words of formal English can not describe the plight of those innocent faces whose dreams and desires are destroyed by their innocence.

A paralytic body due to the brain is more or less like a chariot whose charioteers injured badly. When the words like ‘handicapped’, ‘disabled’, ’abnormal’ ring in ones ears, even the poor eyes refuse to shed tears on their ruined destiny. The bitterness of the society kills their confidence completely. For them, life is gloomy with darkness and solitude.

But I believe, a small spark is enough to turn into fire and here their SOLITUDE is the spark by which they enlighten their lives. With their stupendous confidence and incredible courage, they rise like a phoenix from its ashes. The charioteer was injured not dead. Leaving all the criticisms and grievances they strive for a new and colorful morning in their life.

So it is high time in making their ‘end’ a ‘new beginning’. A time to be a part of their ultimate glory, a time to listen to their heart’s voice.

‘We don’t want your pity, we want your understanding.’"



The second one ill share in some days....couldnt find it on my comp....shit!


Oh n by the way...i going out of station...FINALLY......with roopa...who for some reason thinks itll be snowing in Jammu....i told her there'l be no electricity...no water.....and the sun burning at 35 degrees.......she's still game for it...

im game for the street food...
n the 30 Santa Claus relatives who'll be ready with their love both in cash n kind :-)

tata

When man faces destiny,
destiny ends
and man comes into his own.

Reflections

For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: 'It might have been!'"

For love and for hate
I swat a fly and offer it
to an ant.

the tickle in my brain

Normally when im confused about something i like to take the advice of the best...wise...experienced people around....
Yesterday was one of those nights....trying to get over the pocketmoney(salary) that i get..i was shown a golden bone worth 25,000.....adding to my grief...i started questioning my own instincts.....so i called up the big fish in the sea(not the wisest..definately the best)....who could hardly relate to what i was saying....

The following is a part of our conversation:
G:My life sucks....im never going to make it big....im questioning my own instincts.
Big Fish: But you always wanted to do what you are doing!
G:But sometimes im not sure.....
Big Fish: What do you want from life?
G: I most definately want to be socially committed....but then i also want the moolah....


Not to my surprise, nothing came out of the talk.... but today...out of the blue....my mind went TING! n i called the Big Fish in the sea and said -

G: I've found the solution to my problem!
Big Fish: Huh!
G: I'll marry a rich guy..take over his money and spend it for charity:-)

(o.k....rehab center numbers are accepted)

did i blink today?

Every man ought to be inquisitive through every hour of his great adventure down to the day when he shall no longer cast a shadow in the sun. For if he dies without a question in his heart, what excuse is there for his continuance?"
Although there may be nothing new under the sun, what is old is new to us and so rich and astonishing that we never tire of it. If we do tire of it, if we lose our curiosity, we have lost something of infinite value, because to a high degree it is curiosity that gives meaning and savour to life.

I've analyzed my life enough....now im going to live it.

Whatsay Miyaki?

City of angels...

Dads like the sweetest...stupidest....most calm...patient guy with the naughtiest smile ever....I swear...all those who think my crooked teeth are enveloped by a really naughty smile...blame my dad for it.....

Ive never seen dad in a crowd....never with too many friends.....he's always been with just two or three friends who've been with him for years....

Daddy - the family guy...dose'nt drink....dose'nt smoke....dose'nt eat meat...egg...or garlic.....recently left tea and coffee......an unfortunate lad whose never tasted a chocolate truffle cake..or a blueberry cheese cake....rather not even an eggless cake....

I admire my dad for his belief in keeping the desires to the minimal......

He's the sweetest most admirable young looking lad(dosent look his age)..who'll open his mouth while sleeping if i say the word 'chocolate'.......he just loves them....

Today i went to the reservation center to get tickets for him.....wiredly my dad who dosent believe talking to too many people....starts interacting with every single soul at the ticket center...something happens to him each time he goes there.......he randomly talks to just anyone and everyone....not a part of his usual nature.....but i wonder....why only there???

the minute he's out of there...he's the same quiet Half-Allahbadi - Half - Kashmiri, non balled,white piece of cake..who thinks every actress on t.v is Juhi Chawla..

Sometimes the most pleasureable times are to see the look on his face when i cook something he really likes...and just sit next to him and watch him relish it..and he'll announce it to the rest of the world for the next 3 weeks....

I read this poem once...and it reminds me of him each time i read it again:


Well, kid, I tell you, life for me aint been no crystal stair.
Its been hard and bare and rough places on the floor,
But all the while I've been climbing, and going forth
In the dark, cause there ain't been no light.
So dont you sit down cause its kinds hard,
Dont you quit because its rough
Cause you see, I'm still climbing
And life for me aint been no crystal stair...

Insomniac......not by will......

I havent yawned this much in ages....its been 4 hours that ive stepped in my office and all ive whole heartedly done is yawned....

Iv feel another 36 hours of continous sleep might just do the job....thanks to some,i have'nt had a sound sleep in days......

I desperately need to pass my time today...(not much work...the rest i dont want to do)....so ive come up with an idea that was better than staring at the watch....i decided to hear my favourite songs....

Beautiful girl(INXS) - 3/4 mins
Sail away(David Gray) - 4 mins
All i want is you ( u2) - 5 mins
Is there love in space( Joe Satriani) - 3 mins
December(Collective Souls) - 5 mins
Everyday you die a little( Relaxomatic Project) - 5 mins
Miserable(LIT) - 4 mins
Dirt(Phish) - 4 mins
Kiss from the rose(Seal) - 4 mins
Black(Pearl Jam) - 5 mins
Oh Me(Nirvana) - 4 mins.....

....the list is going on.....and im sort of managing to pass my time well....

Just realized how my parents have given birth to the most khatara piece on this planet...

cant read...going blind
Going Deaf(tinitus problem)
going cranky
bumped and hurt almost everyday
throat fu*****
sinus BAD
Lazy...sleepy....sick...stupid...(no...thats not me!)

(btw....Roops....please dont worry....why fear..when im there...i have the exact solution to your problem....and my social work partner has agreed to calm your senses down......:-)...Right Mr. Miyaki?