"you dont know what you mean to me...

and what you make me go through"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpYemelPItk


some things are easier said than done...

I looked at you and i see nothing
i looked at you to see the truth..

fade into you...

i think its strange you love me...

- mazzy star

What came back to me..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5BFjw7Bh48

Can you not see!!!!!!!!!!

i dont have a boyfriend..

i just know a man who will be very upset if he finds out i said that..



- Teri Pratchet (you thought i'd say this!)

6 months....and im down 10 kgs....i've been chewing my nails...and now my fingers since yesterday that i checked my weight...

6 months back the chubby (polite for FAT) girl weighing 62 kgs....is today 52!

credit goes to all those who made sure they'd squeeze out my fat and my breath...

Thank you

Yours Truly

3 hours of "chandigarh kare ashiqui"

not a word i understand...


you're my saibba

decorative lights..
one foot crack on the windsheild..
a 2 year old blowing balloons in the air..
a 75 year old teaching me the hard facts of life..
a black label as someone's gift..

30 diyas..and lots of waiting..
yesterday it rained...today i poured..

happy diwali to those who thought they love(ed) someone..

irascible: when did i tell you i wanted to marry you..

imagery: a million chances and choices on one hand..and on the other its you..your like the ground to which im rooted..

ameliorate:i said i would never be able to look into another set of eyes..i did.....he said things would change for the better...they have changed...im yet to find out if it is for the better..

transgression: every single thing you said for over an hour today..

elysian: He has changed....he pays attention to everything i say and expect from him....this is it!

stubborn: time..

begrudging: "i meee myself.."

above mentioned are a few statements made by people today......

i dont think this one made sense at all...

Sunday Sun

prostitution of development....
selling poverty..


that wraps up my days work..



what keeps me going through the night..

Sunday Sun by Beck

i wonder how my life would have been if i din have a fresh set of 200 kids sharing on camera how much they love APJ Kalam.....sing Kishore Kumar songs and Anuradha Paudwal Bhajans......

then hear a re-mixed version of horns on the JNU road for an hour stuck in a jam...

then enter LSR...only to realize how "old" i am...

life sucks.....if i forget about about the 2 (mini) Kathi Rolls i had today...

do i still give you the ejibejees?

as i moonwalk across pages of yesterday..
yet to recieve more on what the 70mm life has in store for anxious, childlike feelings..
the beginning of a fresh set of vague moments..
conflcting thoughts overpowering the house i want on the top of the hill..
from where i can't see myself..
so used to just wanting this or that...as i curl myself up i on a cold november grass of my lawn..
happy not having it...
happy.... at peace...with whatever is left in my palm....
the aftertaste of wine that did not taste familiar anymore..

inhale...exhale...

it is amazing.....you just don't see....meee

http://www.flickr.com/photos/14799559@N05/

ive been passing my time doing some constructive things..
one of them being posting some pics i took this year on my new Flicker account...

dekho dekho!

and they say im not patient.........

its been 180 days....

tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock

idhar ya udhar
kis taraf ho tum
tay kar lo...

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.


- Frederick Nietzsche

i think about you everyday
they say "get a life"
i say "no"!

the last rain of september...the day before i decided to grow up...well...have i?

and people say "i" look naughty!

I took this one when i was visiting the villages near Mukteshwar.......best shots are captured when they are least expected.....i guess same goes for life...

Horror Scope

Virgo: 4th September '07
Things are getting better from today...you will recieve good news through a telephonic conversation....finances will be on the brighter side...go and splurge to celebrate your day....



even god likes playing jokes on me........


life........is nothing like the smell of october...

i cant think of a subject for this one...sorry!

im in the process of sending some mails for maa..and i happened to check some blogs written by people i have heard of...but havent met....

the following are my observations:

- most of them used the same background that i "had" once upon a time
- when asked... most of them would say they used this medium to "put their thoughts down" ...agreed!...but why are all of them so grey?

........i feel a lot of us create these cucoons to pity our lives...our selves......and thats the worst thing to do....to constantly tell yourself...that youre not sure of your life...things and people around you...and question the same...constantly in conflict with your self.....conscious effort to be anxious .....

guys...calm down!...

i have not had the most eventful...or the most happening life....but i've learnt how to put every single moment like a dialogue from Calvin & Hobbes...
everything i explain or say has a life of it's own....
a complete story in it's own self....
it's like a painting...
or a dolby digital screen....
and i get the sheer pleasure of seeing people's faces when they react to my simplest statements...


is'nt this what life "should be"...simple.....ironic....stupid.....complete...wierd...funny....... wonderful...serendipitous!

words should be used like you're throwing them at a mirror......you can see different dimensions to them....

for me...this is what my blogs are....just another space......where i fit in well...

i don't want to be an angel..
i don't need wings clipped on to my back..
not if i can't feel the breeze on my face..

make me the wind instead..


my recomendation for the day.....

Angel(accoustic version)
- by Dave Mathews Band

Attention!

For those who have a habit of forgeting "one of the most important moments in history" kindly remember to wish me on 15th September..

Blessings and love in the form of CASH or KIND will be gladly accepted

P.S: jUST for your help...there's a sale going on at Shoppers Stop......and i can happily provide details of counters one should NOT avoid checking out

:)

i feel nice..

in tune with my "self"


infact maybe the best i have felt in over a year
and i din have to spend any money for it
did not go out for a good meal
did not share things with friends either


i just loved being with myself...

seriously...it shows on my face

damn! im good!

Serendipity...How are you doing?

is one's one of the toughest questions to answer.......till date..





the best part of the day is to fall in love with the dusty shadow of a torchman while the rest of the world is busy looking at the (so- called) shinier side of life

the second best part...very simply put....is the warmth of my nani's hands

the third best part...is when muma n papa....call each other "muma" & "papa"

the fourth best part...is when it started to rain...just when i wanted it to






memories have a dialect....a language of their own...a sound of their own...

and when i dont want to hear them ringing in my ears...

are the days i tend to talk a lot

i feel sedated

i think im going to hit the atmosphere

Heights of doubt


writing 7 e-mails in 3 days....and not sending any of them

1234567891011121314151617181912021222324252627282930313233343536373839404142434445464748495051525354555657585960616263646566676869707172737475767778798081828384858687888990919293949596979899100101102103104105106107108109110111112113114115116117118119120121122123124125126...........................................................................................................



am i still supposed to be counting days?

who decides where beauty begins
...and ends?


is there anything around me..
that is 'not' beautiful?

Soleil, quand vous êtes avec moi..je peux voler

Sunshine, when you're with me...i can fly

- Raul Midon, Sunshine

the day you bit my toe nail

im back!...and when i say so...i mean 'i the sarcastic one' am back....oh yes and for some reason i feel its the wheather (lets blame it to the wheather.. it's very in)...

im hanging between just tooooo many things.....with my life turning into a 'Da Vinci COde'...i dont know for how long i can walk around with that question mark on my face...(no im not Paresh Raval from that Anil Kapoor flick...and i most definately havent drawn a question mark) but the look on my face resembles the sign pretty much...

Dear oh dear....were there less disasters in my life....for me to take up studies dealing with the subject...

lets see:
i was never going to be an Einstien : not creative
i can never be a female version of Gandhi: dont take no fukin shit
i often get confused between mitigation, preparedness and planning : there i cant get married to a man (or a woman)...
im not the Sharukh of Swades...so im done with village visits
and im not duracell: i give up

my dissertation revolves around the follwing things that have been going on in my head..and if i were to put it together this is how it'll look:

An anlysis of the rural mindset of men, with special focus on risk mitigation measures dealing with people who preach, are retarded, and think they are always right, through an insight intoThe Tehelka Foundation's crispy spinach recipe ...


i dont see myself studying for long...because if i do...i dont see myself living for long...
anybody to mary me before the wrinkle under my eye starts to show!?!



p.s: the title signifies my deranged state of mind.....but im still a lovable creature :)

i believe nothing...........

not what you've said..
not even the words you scribbled...

none of it agrees with my reason..my common sense..

Can you see!!

hello

this is your life speaking



you have no idea what you're doing

do you?

the monsoon of 2007

moist by the rain
or hope under the eyelids

what keeps me from deleating my blogs











time

on a rainy day
i let the heart think
and the mind decide


the grass is vague on the other side

i came across the last reel of this film...this is where it ends

and so he entered the Angel's home,
the bestest home in the whole world,
on being greeted by the Angel's mother
he says how Angel is the bestest thing that happened to him,
and how she makes him happy
but lets just keep it to sleeping around with the Angel,
because, i madam am too young, you see
to young to know that she's 'the one'

the bestest thing that happened to me..
she takes all i give her, days when ive made her cry,
and then she lights up when i tell her i love her..

but no madam, she might not be 'the one'
because my 5 digit salary doesnt make me secure enough,
i am too young you see,
i dont know what i want,
i got it all too soon..
i was too young you see
to know that she's the one..

i want her to be with me,
but no madam, im not sure if she's 'the one'
i am too young you see..

she knows what ticks me off, and drives me crazy,
she even knows what shirt looks good on me..
i sleep with her
she wakes me up..
to seeing what the world looks from her eyes..

i love her, you know,
but im not sure if she's 'the one'
im too young you see

i know she's leaving
so i can live the life i want,
she loves me a lot,
but no madam
im too young you see..

the x ray machine

hopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshoplesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshoplesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopelesshopeless.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................


this one is for all my friends..

dont romanticze moments once you're awake..

leave it to the dreams....dreams dont have a blunt life to live..

you do.............


life..................................is beautiful..

as long as your looking at yourself on the other side of the aisle

the day before i woke up

i sit on this wall and

wait for you whoever you

are where ever you may be

i've been sitting on this wall

since i was 17 years old just

waiting for you

whoever you are where ever

you may be to find me

i shall sit on this wall for the

rest of my life if need be..........

zingbingtringtring

you were the psychadellic rythem on my mind

when i danced naked throughout the night

Crazy Beautiful

i saw 'Before Sunset' today...

and she reminded me of someone ive known for the past 24 years..

the words she said, even the ones she did not..

it's amazing..

and then we call things rosy...

Within minutes you arrive at the Angel's house.
It is the most beautiful two - bedroom flat you have ever seen.
Upon entering you are greeted by Angel's Mother.
The Angel's Mother immediately declares that you are the bestest boyfriend her daughter has ever had.
She pats you on the head and heads for the kitchen to bake a 'special cake' just or you - the bestest boyfriend her daughter has ever had.
The Angel asks if you would like to lie in the bed with her?
You say you would love to lie on the bed with her.
You take her hand and she guides you to her bedroom.
It is the most beautiul bedroom you have ever seen.
You take off your shoes, place her beautiful beating heart between the pillows which furnish the edge of the bed.
And you just lie there waiting for the mother to bring you the 'special cake' she has baked especially for you - the bestest boyfriend her daughter has ever had.

Close my eyes and count back from 10 9
been waiting all my life
been waiting all my life 8 7
it will happen
it will happen 6 5 seconds
left i am completely breathless
4 not sure not sure love me
loves me not 3 dont go
dont go 2 seconds remain
nothing ventured nothing gained 1
please stay................please

The Wallpaper

'You are so beautiful,

Do rude things to me

Please

I beg you'


some things just strike you for no reason

Fallen sick on a journey,
In dreams I run wildly
Over a withered moor.

life ke side effects

the background:
i walked through the streets of Karol Bagh mesmerized by the crowed and the energy that floated me from one end of the market to the other..
floated coz i did'nt need to walk, the crowd just floated me through the passage even before i took a step

the myth:
people who think i am sensible and simple must also know how nice a 3 lakh solitaire white gold base ring looked on my finger today
and how i would have seriously arried a man today had he bought me that ring, seriously

basic facts:
im turning 24 this year, and something seems to have gone wierd with my family....the age factor seems to be alarming for them...


chapter 1: the unanswered questions
the more im aging / growing old, im getting more and more confused about what i want from my life. My junior from college met me after a year and the first thing that came out of the 22 year old's mouth was: ' Gauri, when do you plan to get married?'

then ofcourse there had to be suitable matches around the globe just waiting for you to turn x number of years for them to plan their 7 pheras with you

Chapter 2: Damad manufactured in the US:
Pranay...a typical Alahbadi name for a 26 year old eligible US based guy.Mummy ji already dreams of her boy settling down with the Kashmiri 'kudi' but dal gal nahi rahi hai...
poor guy, probably dreams everyday that tank pac would permanently keep their officers on board....

Climax:
i saw pyar ke side effects the third time today, once with Navdeep, then yesterday, and then today for the final time...partly because i love to pass my time watching movies after padhai likhai, and also coz i still dont understand why all of us think we want to get married / settle down in our lives with someone because we have successfully crossed an x number of years...

the synopsis:
the answer to my junior's question, and by the way...there was something similar that Pranay asked me a while back, again about settling down, something i did not have an answer for is that...
im not settled yet, and i guess i wont be till the time i don't achieve my dream...im not settling down with someone because i have turned x number of years, it has to be a lot more than that...
and till the time i dont have the answer to their questions i don't want to give it a thought..

p.s: no im not in a cranky mood....

the lost kite

don't fall..

i belong some place else

A "peace of my mind" - 30 seconds of patience

I do not care what car you drive, where you live..
If you know someone who knows someone who knows someone..
If your clothes are this years cutting edge..
If your trust fund is unlimited..
If you are A - list, B - list or never heard of before list..

I only care about the words that flutter from your mind..
They are the only thing you truly own..
The only thing i will remember you by..

I will not fall in love with your bones and skin..
I will not fall in love with the places you have been..
I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.

A "peace" of my mind - breathing space

rain..that cleans through the knots on my brains...
air...that fills the deep isolated pores of my spirit..

you never left..
you are on your way back..

will i manage to keep my mind sane after
my work
my Master's
my courses
my family
and a trillion thoughts that go zig - zag in my mind????

Space Dye Vest

Falling through pages of martens on angels
Feeling my heart pull west
I saw the future dressed as a stranger
Love in a space-dye vest
Love is an act of blood and Im bleeding
A pool in the shape of a heart
Beauty projection in the reflection
Always the worst way to start

But hes the sort who cant knowAnyone intimately,
least of all aWoman.
he doesnt know what a womanIs. he wants you for a possession,
Something to look at like a painting or an ivory box.
Something to own and to display. he doesnt want you to be real,
Or to think or to live. he doesnt love you, but I love you.
I want you to have your own thoughts and ideas and feelings, even whenI hold you in my arms. its our last chance... its our last chance...
Now that youre gone Im trying to take it
Learning to swallow the rage
Found a new girl I think we can make it
As long as she stays on the page
This is not how I want it to end
And Ill never be open again...

i was gonna move out...ummm...get,Get a job, get my own place, ummm,
But... I go into the mall where i
Want to work and they tell me, im,I was too young...
Some people, gave advice before,
About facing the facts, aboutFacing reality. and this is, this
Without a doubt, is his biggestChallenge ever.
hes going to have to face it.Youre gonna have to try, hes gonna to have to try and,Uh, and, and, and get some help here.
I mean no one canSay they know how he feels.
That, so they say that, in ya knowLike, houston or something, youdSay its a hundred and eighty degrees,
But its a dry heat. in houston they say that?
Oh, maybe not. Im all mixed up.Dry until they hit the swimming pool....i get up with the sun... listen.
You have your own room to sleep in,
I dont care what you do.
I dontCare when. that door gets locked,
That door gets locked at night by nine oclock.
If youre not in this house by nine oclock, then youd better find somePlace to sleep.
because youre not going to be a bum in this house.Supper is ready...

Theres no one to take my blameIf they wanted to
Theres nothing to keep me sane
And its all the same to you
Theres nowhere to set my aim
So Im everywhereNever come near me again
Do you really think I need you
Ill never be open again,
I could never be open again.
Ill never be open again,
I could never be open again.
And Ill smile and Ill learn to pretend
And Ill never be open again
And Ill have no more dreams to defend
And Ill never be open again

- "dREAM" - tHEATRE

A "peace" of my mind - the final seconds..

@ im getting out...

$ (laughs)...ok let me go and watch the match now..

@ i mean it....each time you laugh it off, it brings me closer to this decision..

$ ( laughs again) ok let me go, ill call you later..


(this was a conversation shared by two of my friends today...two individuals who're growing miles apart)



why do people stay in relationships that dont add any intent to their lives...
does their "love" blindfold the reality that stands 10 steps away from them..
after some time, it all relies on how you "WISH" things to be when you wake up after a fearful nightmare.
your head feels heavy coz you'r carrying this extra baggage for long.

In my nani's house ive seen monkeys carrying their baby's dead carcus till the time every piece if bone and flesh falls down from her body. She carries it where ever she goes, imagining the dead baby is still alive...

many of us are the same...we carry carcuses with us, because of the fear of acceptance that we've lost, or are losing something..

Can you see...

Disater Management: altering the strings of life..

There you stand, drowning in the rain..
Kidding yourself the wind don't sting..
And all this time the thing you want is calling to you..

And who's gonna mend you when you're broken..
And who's gonna find you when you're stolen..
And who will always love you..
I'll be around for a while

- Steve Vai

you left me...never left my conversations

days when things arent really fine...
pretend..
tell yourself how happy you are with the 'other' things in your life...
if it still dosent help..
call Dr. Love on Radio an help him make you realize what a fucked up loser you are..
if you still manage to justify yourself..
force yourself to love tracks that include the words: time and memories..
if your heart's still not melted..
drink till you see two glasses instead of one..
if there's still no hope, and you and people around you have given hope..
then ive just found the sibling i have been in search of for long long time...


the one word that still scares me to death:
Forever


can you see....meee?

yours......impishly

the lost 'peace' (es) of my mind

vague..vagur..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vbague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague.vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..vague..

This is the only word that's been running in my mind for 2 days now...
.....no i didn't think wiring it down over and over again woul get me a solution...

im just trying to wash it off my head...

yours vaguely..

A "peace" of my mind: the greed within

i want a rock...a house with a garden and flowers and wooden swing....or a penthouse with a view of the sun & heaven....i want to inhale and exhale like i've never tasted air before...i want to wake up to dream again...i want to chase shadows...to count the number of golden leaves that follow me when i try to run away from them...i want mee...i want to miss to keep wanting again...

i am what you forgot i was..
i am also what you missed in yourself..

yours graciously

it is i who decide where my heaven shines..
it is "mee" who lighten's up my sky...

i dont want to be the deciding factor between my heart and my brain...
they have a universe of their own...

yours patiently...

A "peace" of my mind: I & My Mee

Im coming back..
from where you never left..

A "peace" of my mind: the unspoken word

** why do you always have to go away?


## Because it gives me a reason to keep coming back to you..

:-)

"Peace/s" of my mind - nothing to keep

spending your day...not like the other days you've spent in the past one year is.......??? im trying to find one word for that...

i spent yesterday in doing things that "i havent done in ages"...and those that "people dont expect me to do"...

i.e...doing things i havent done in ages.....sat alone in my lawn and heard Ledzep songs...

things not expected of me......watched the entire match...one over after another....

im leaving..

i hate this phrase!

no..but i am...i going away to Mukteshwar.....not only because it is my job to go (i could have refused to go), nor am i dying for a holiday...but i just can't stay here anymore...

i always run away.....always

nothing to keep me here...

A "peace" of my mind: in search of a high tide

i've messed up so many times in my life... that it dosen't come as a surprise if i make another blunder...

but then i have my intoxicated moments of child - like conversations with street kids in wee hours of night at the NFC market..

each one of them goes to school....knows how the English alphabet begins with an A and ends with Z....but it takes them a minute to realize that Guddu starts, not with a J, but the alphabet G..they told me how none of them actually pays attention to the white woman who spares 3 hours everyday in a government run school, trying to grab their attention to the educated world....none of them pays attention....ofcourse..

Roopa handed over tea..one cup after the other, diverting their attention from her short denim skirt, while Prateek tried to make conversations in a language that was drunk and alien to all of us..

i was in search of my being.....yet again...

and not that i've found it....i am on a passage of rediscovering myself everyday..

like anyone else, i have spent years in absolutely hating kids...i want to spend most of the part left in my life, in learning from them....

yours childishly
gauri

A "peace" of my mind - ten reasons why i shouldnt be dumped...

No. 1: It's already happened in the past
No. 2 - 10: 'galt baat hai'

(miya you'd understand)

A "peace" of my mind - the third stroke

I want to meet people who consider themselves as Optimists
and breathe the same air as i do..

A "peace" of my mind - the second crumb

sometimes it is good to live in an illusion..
even if waking up is not such a good experience..

how the same alphabets could change the course of your life..

i "tried"



i'm "tired"

A "peace" of my mind..the first encounter with reality...

Starting today, im going to add a "peace" of my mind (hopefully on a regular basis)....




'Distance does not make hearts grow apart,
it is the journey travelled together in the past
that matters'

A "peace" of my mind: the greed within

i want a rock...a house with a garden and flowers and wooden swing....or a penthouse with a view of the sun & heaven....i want to inhale and exhale like i've never tasted air before...i want to wake up to dream again...i want to chase shadows...to count the number of golden leaves that follow me when i try to run away from them...i want mee...i want to miss to keep wanting again...

i am what you forgot i was..
i am also what you missed in yourself..

yours graciously

you are the last piece of paper left with 'me'

Shadows of love,
that run away from,
the darkness they cant touch,
feathers that weigh down,
caught alive,
in your crown of thorns,
that safe strain of a life always hurts,
quiet cries when my eyes never care,
what my heart promises you,
if my dreams know you,
your wheathered love never begged for a life.

Are you painfully safe?
Are you rightfully loved?

From this cage,
will you fly away?

It always started with the eyes,
beginning of a visual gala,
if my senses that you've completely bowled over..

Eyes...lovingly imprisoned in the alter truth of your beauty..

yours...unwittingly

this is how i begin....

"somedays i wana quit..
somedays i feel like shit..
just feel normal for a bit.."

ive been listening to this song everyday...
while driving, during breaks from work, i humm it...
but each time i hear it i understand it in a completely different context from the previous one..

someone once told me..
i cant seek my share of happiness in others..
a common mistake all of us make..
as long as i 'depend' on someone to come and change that very moment thats f***ing you up, by adding a little dash of themselves to it...

"So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',"


ive ended..enough..
recetly ive had an urge "to begin"..

honestly, for a week now, if not more iv seen myself evolve / change (however you want to put it)


i dont want to drink
turned myself into a vegetarian
i've had enough of explaining, and talking and justifying..
especially with the number of walls that im surrounded with..
now i like the silence around me..
i chose to not justify anymore..

ive never understood what Vivekananda said, what Aurobindo preached, i just remember conversations, not people involved in them...just the conversation..


"I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,"


i chose not to be trapeed between the good, bad and the ugly..

i choose to be(with) myself..

No one told me about her..

its strange
so many clouds in my head
and i get my dose of rain with the temporary moments in a day..
nothing that'l last..
moments come and go (im not saying people, they are a part of those moments)..
and leave traces of miniscule atom like memories..
that we try to hold on and drag along with us...
till another day dawns..

Sometimes its damn irritating to open your machine and find Mr. Horoscope turn into Mr. Horrorscope....

this is what was in store for me today -

It's important to keep your financial budget in balance. However, have you ever thought about your emotional resources in the same way? You can't keep spending so much on certain areas that aren't fruitful.



great...rub it in!

"Everyone carries a room about inside them. This fact can even be proved by means of the sense of hearing. If someone walks fast and one pricks up one's ears and listens, say at night, when everything round about is quiet, one hears, for instance, the rattling of a mirror not quite firmly fastened to the wall."

(Franz Kafka, The Blue Notebooks)

Lost, yesterday,
somewhere between sunrise and sunset,
two golden hours,
each set with sixty diamond minutes.
No reward is offered for they are gone forever.

- Horace Mann

if i were rain for the day...

getting out of a place
i dont call home
home that you gave up on
once upon a time
things started to seem better
for that blink of time

rain in my mind
cuts through as my newborn hair
swish swish around my neck whispering
words i dont want to understand..

is the wheather changing
or have you
made it seem like it was never windy before

2 songs
360 degree of life
everythings changing
again...


but me....

for people who've changed...and those who are changing..

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...


- Fort Minor

Dont read this one..hear it..

Here I am,
lost in the light of the moon that comes through my window
Bathed in blue,
the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses
It's you and the roses



Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way
when I see your eyes
Now I'm living
in your afterglow



Here I am,
lost in the ashes of time, but who wants tomorrow?
In between the longing to hold you again
I'm caught in your shadow,
I'm losing control
My mind drifts away, we only have today




Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way
I will sacrifice
'til the blinding day
when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow




When the veils are gone
as I let you go,
as I let you go



Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way,
I will sacrifice
Now I'm living in your afterglow

Bathed in blue,
the walls of my memory divide
the thorns from the roses
It's you who is closest



-Afterglow :INXS

this is how "i" ended..

Don't let all seem to go..
Coz you dont know what you have..
Till its gone..

- Counting Crows


it is the space between "what you have" and "till it's gone" that follows us through the course of life..

the stench of hypocracy

x:i love my work..

y:but what do you get out of it?Repect?

x: No

Y: money

x:hardly, not what i deserve for sure

y:then why you in it?

x: coz.....i think of the kids...and what the experice with them gives me..i think of a dream...hyopothetical dream of moulding a new born orgnization to a matured one.

y: dont get emotionally attached..

x: i know...it hasnt got me anything..

z: Hey but what about the moral ethics. Y you are discouraging her. she has to have the patience you see..Be positive..look here and youll see greener pastures..

y: im asking her to wake up...she will sooner or later....ive knon her for long...she thinks from her heart.....and leaves her head back home...she wont give up till she breakes down...and i dont want her to break down...i want her to kep dreaming under a brighter sun..

x: i dont know what to do...

the smell of the cheese coated bacon in a scrumptious pasta!

i dont like to chase dreams..
i prefer to follow water bubbles instead..


i dont like to chase dreams..
i prefer to collect glow worms in my palm..


i dont like to chase dreams..
i prefer to stick my head out of a car's window on a green stretch..


i dont like to chase dreams..
i prefer to make them..


P.S : The title of the blog has nothing to do with the rest of the content. It just felt good to write it down(the title, i mean)

двиньте дальше

行动
beweging
passez
bewegen Sie an
κίνηση επάνω
passi
위에의 움직임
mova-se sobre
muévase encendido

the vertical rising

of my spirit..
my ego..
my space.
my wants..
my dreams..
of the intensity with which i try to see things as they 'should be'..
of the third string i missed to hear..
of the distance that lay ahead..
of the music in my head..
of logged tapes...and diplomatic views..
of my consciousness..
of thoughts..shoulds...woulds...cans...wonts....
of the pleasure of the last few winter chills..
of 180 degrees of memories..
of platinum rings and broken chains..
of the intoxicated spirit...
of super humans..
of super emotions...
of jumbo smiles..
and taste buds...
of today..

les distances i peuvent garder

sometimes i wish that i was the weather...
You'd bring me up in conversation forever...
And when it rained....
I'd be the talk of the day...

- John Mayer

quand vous êtes avec moi,
je suis libre,
je suis négligent..

two steps behind to move way further on...

nous avons pensé qu'elle était heureuse elle avait l'habitude de sourire je pense que nous avons oublié de la voir des yeux

where does a circle end?

you forgot to read what i did not write....

and maybe i have stopped seeing...

unless the two spaces meet..
there will always be blanks to be covered..


happiness...is the smell of "Rajnigandhas"