the 'once upon a time' loved one..reduced to a present day password....

grown over the state of mush..i live in my own virtual periphery of magnetic cynicism that now pumps my heart with the most potent justification to keep moving on and on

and on

i happended to come across the most filmy co-incidence during the trip i made last week. i thought ive mentioned so much rona dhona..why not share the interesting bits...

my journey from calcutta to silchar was blessed with the most uncomfortable, antique ATR journey ever. The plane made all possible moves that even rajnikanth would take a decade to learn...right next to me was a 20 something guy....both of us..for 2 hours sat as if no one was sitting next to us.....6 days later while crying on the airport i noticed the same guy walk in to the check in....then he boarded the same flight as i did...then to my surprise...again he was sitting right next to me....

the plane took off...with two surprised faces...20 minutes had passed and the two of us had mainted our silence and our composure....then he spoke "wernt you travelling with me on tuesday"...filmy ha!...i smiled....then started the chit chat...anyway..his name is Pranjal...a 29 year old engineer with the Tatas who found my panic attacks due to cloud pockets quite amusing..i got off at the Calcutta airport from where i had to take another flight to delhi in 3 hours....

The chit-chat kept me busy..and clamed me down after the torture i had been through the night before...at the airport he asked if i was ok in him accompanying me for lunch as his family was till back in Silchar and he had no option but to eat out..n i agreed......

I had a nice chat session with him for 2 hours over some food and beer ....about politics and zodiac signs....training civil servants and marriage plans.....religion and nightlife.....

i told him how strange it was for me to have lunch and beer with a stranger...but it was great...its rare one gets to meet an intellegent, calm, "appealing" man on a plane twice!

and believe me...i wanted nothing out of it...dont want to meet him again..he's never been to delhi..and i dont see myself going to calcutta...but we really clicked...and it felt great...to just be in the moment..and not expect...it really dosent matter if well meet or talk over the phone in the future or not...and for a girl like me who expects so bloody much from people around me..this was a good feeling :)

im still not over the silchar incident...maybe coz the old lad repeatedly texted me even after my father threatening him...i recieved a sigh of relief when i told my boss yesterday about the incident...i had an option to get him sacked, ruin his carreer as a respected state level officer...but i did'nt..

but if i look back...its funny how 40 year old start reliving his days of being 18 ... the following was a शेर that was not only written for me..but was also shared infront of a batch of 18 civil servants..

आपका यूं सिलचर आना...किसी इन्सिदेंत से कम नही

हमारा दिल आप पर अजना ...इसमे हमें कोई शक नही

दूर दूर तक चा गए हैं इन्सिदेंत के साए..हम केहेते है ये इन्सिदेंत लौट कर वापस यहीं आये......

..................................................

people who know me well...can imagine how my face might have looked at that moment.

the second shock was a bunch of 20 revolutionaries who stopped my car on the way to the airport...and refused to let our car move....we were forced to call the deputy commissioner and a police patrol car was sent to rescuse us and escort us to the airport...

i spent two hours at the airport crying like a 3 year old...still not over the shock i receieved the night before...stranded on the shillong highway coz of a drunk maniac...i did not think i would escape safely.....after this..the revolutionaries stopping us was not such a big surprise..i was too numb to anything that followed.......

talk about a happening life....!

the Thematic Battle to kill the False being Within

if we admit that life can be ruled by reason.....the possibility of life gets destroyed...

returned from silchar last night
and i havent felt this physically and emotionally drained in ages
My return journey from delhi to silchar and then back home was accompanied by near death miss accident, ATR planes that break dance in the air, 10 hours of extensive studying everyday and an obsessive 40 year old civil servant who tortured me at 1 am on the silchar - shillong highway, terrorizing me to death..followed by over a 100 calls and 50 texts...

home coming was never this better...

i wish i was one of the superheroes from the incredibles :)

but no honestly..most people who saw my super x... said there was a lot of similarity...

im supposed to take that one as a complement..right!

Prateek left the city today...

i should be trained in people leaving by now...but this ones too much to handle....told him yesterday..im not good at bye-byes


(p.s.: Questworld..Oooh so sad is a very sad response to this one...you really dont know how difficult it is for me to survive without people i love...and im not very proud of this impractical quality of mine)

Freak Weather

Not even half way down the year..everyone's moving on with their life

sid leaves in a day
Doctor's gone
Hardev's belly dancing in UAE
Prateek leaves in a month's time

wah kya zindagi hai

this gives me a bigger reason to bunjee jump from a cliff.....without the safety rope that is

i swear to drunk im not god

30 mins of life on a jogging track

my life becomes mine in the truest sense in the 30 minutes i give myself while taking a walk...it's become a state of ultimate numbness... than a weight loss program...the 2 km stretch that curves and goes up n down like my stupendous life...

so many sweaty bodies just passing by me...with a hundred things churning in their heads....almost like this Mastercard Ad with this ponytail chick running in a fitted jogging suit gambling with a million thoughts..

i saw these two men walking out of the park with me...two typical village guys amused by almost everything they see....They see a white Honda Civic parked right outside the gate..and one of them told the other "ek din yeh humari hogi"


the best thing in the world is to WANT things...its probably more trippy than even having em...you have to constantly keep WANTING it..and then i think of people...people who either have it all...but probably dont WANT any of it no more......



and then there are those who know how to dream...

trust me by the holiest of lords blessing Machu Pichu when i tell you im the last soul on the globally warmed planet to make a pass at anyone...flirting with a strange set of flesh and eyes gets me the same feeling i got while watching visual tortures like tashan... my near and dear ones know it..i know it....it's just aint me...


but i wasn't going to live with that image for the rest of my decaying life....so the day i set my bum on the "made to fit" seat of Go Air i told myself....years and years of morals and ethics have come crashing down to me...and here i am finally telling myself how my dreams are actually "my choices" .......cut it short...i was all planned to prove my friends wrong..and Goa was the ultimate place to do it...

im not getting to the nitty gritties of the trip..and how much i drank...and jumped in the pool..and jumped in the sea....and counted stars against sand particles...and shopped...and went paraglyding with the endless sea right before me...and blah blah blah blah.....(pics on facebook)

coming to the point.....the night before we were to return..all of got all dressed up to loosen up in the "oh so cool dude" place called Mambo's...the place is full of russians and israelis and pick ups from all exotic and not so exotic parts of the world....Very few Indians..It definately stood apart from all clubs i had seen in my city...ok let me divert from the topic again...before i move on.. let me tell you..."im just not into firangs" i have never been...and i dont see the idea popping up in my head one fine day...

but butt...when all of us were seated trying to get our brains intoxicated with Mohitos a friend of mine and i noticed this firang standing a few steps away from our seat...for a second i felt the seat under our non existent bum had blown away...this man by far in the history of my Gluttonous life was the most appealing piece of flesh and bones i had ever seen, imagined or sketched ....

and the best part...well he was smiling at us...all of his 32 teeth glowing with pride...there the mohito starting hitting us... finally...so my friend told me since i am very clearly getting a signal i should go and talk to him...me being me...decided not to..it was too early..and i didnt want to come across as someone desperate...an hour had passed by and the guy had stood and smiled from all possible angles around our radius...finally when i sat next to the bar...the guy comes right next to me.. smiles..and then comes and sits right next to my couch..."there" said my friend..."your the bitch of the first category if you let this chance go"...i looked at him saying to myself "serendipity you can do this" and then in a second got up..held Prateeks hand and walked off.....

that was by far one of the rudest things i could do to a man who looked like a greek god...i swear...you should have seen his charming face turn into an emu like figure...

i just couldnt do it...i just couldnt....

ive returned back hearing enough swears from my friends....

i might have made a few mistakes and even fewer blunders in my life...but i choose to do things as stubbornly as i can...a friend of mine told me i am too idealistic and i can never find an ideal man...not in this century.....

i disagree..

P.S. It's trekking in Gulmarg and Bunjee in Nepal next!



the life in me is the very air she breathes

"time dosen't wait for anyone...yet time is the greatest healer"

Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga Gugu Gaga.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

walk on.........