i sat today with my elbow on the table and my right hand supporting my face...just staring at the monitor....for over 4 hours..i don't know what went through my head...maybe it was so much that none if it could be registered..and i sat numb like somone was showing me a documentary on my past life..

someone told me yesterday..my problem is that im too passionate and too idealistic..

is that really a problem! or maybe people are just too damn confused and complicated to be simple and straightforward anymore..

i have a report to write..but im running my fingers through this keyboard to write the muck in my head instead....write....how does one feel when we express things in writing...just scribble every symbol that rushes through one's system...and we beautifully lay them over a blank page like french cuisine on a white dish...

when did i get something in writing last?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRVrQsdWDds

im not like you...infact im nomore like me either

is something seriously wrong!

the god of big problems!!!!!!!!!!!

O.K im not being preachy...just making that clear...but the following text (please add the title of this blog to it) was sent to me a minute back by my colleage...the 2nd consecutive day...is someone playing games with me!!!

this is what she had sent me..:

Once a young man came to a revered teacher, who was seated under a tree near a beautiful lake, and asked for the solution for his unhappiness.
After some minutes of conversation the old master kindly instructed the visitor to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink a few mouthfuls. How does it taste?? the teacher asked. Awful, said the apprentice after he had spat out the revolting liquid a few paces away.
The teacher chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and when the youngster swirled his handful of salt into the lake, the old man told him, Now drink from the lake.? As the water dripped down the young man?s chin, the master asked him again, How does it taste??

Good! he replied. Do you taste the salt?? asked the Master. No,said the young man. The Master sat beside the troubled youth, took his hands, and said, The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the level of pain we taste depends on the container we put it into. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake. And you can become a lake where you broaden your outlook; when you stop looking only at yourself and your own miseries. Look at life as a whole and the many things without which you would not be what you are today - your friends, family, hobbies, nature around you. When you are confronted with a problem, you see only the problem and ruminate over it endlessly which only makes the situation more tragic. Think of previous instances when things were better.Never compare yourself negatively with others. You are a unique person .

what the hell! that makes it two signs in two days......

today as i drove for work i happened to see a wall on Safdarjung road that said:

"What Goes Around Comes Around"

......man this is strange!

i know it does

Errrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Of implication, insinuation and ill will,
'til you cannot lie still,
In all this turmoil, before red cape and foil
come closing in for a kill
Come feed the rain

-Poets of the fall "Carnival of Rust"

there are no wrongs and rights in life
only convenient and not-so-convenient

just because people dont understand you
doesent mean you're an artist

a little over a month with these guys and the reality hits me right on my face.....the grass really isnt greener on the other side...infact i think the other side looks quite grey..

im tired...already...something coming from a person like me...just not expected....but i work with a bunch of money making robots who travel 24/7 for making their fancy TADA in dollars...there's politics in every nook and corner, everyone is trying to cut the other person.....40 year old's tryimg to impress a girl half their age...they all say it was much better with the firangi boss.....the Oriya lad's nothing short of a Baniya.....

im the youngest here...infact so bloody young it takes time for their statements and mindset to sink in..

there us no support...absolutely none....you're on your own, yet you cant take independent decisions, and nobody's available to sit with you even for a minute..

ive worked with kids....something i call the reason for my existence..i miss getting up in the morning and working throughout the day doing things that can give these kids some direction.....something that can alter the minds of an avarage human...

i work with machines here..they are ATM machines...hate working with no passion in my heart...

disaster management turned my life into a disaster...

man! im better off getting married and growing cabbage and carrots in my kitchen garden...

i don't really know how long im staying here.....really!


P.S: very very upset

not traped between the good, the bad and the ugly..

i begin where a circle decides to end..

in between deadlines, office egos and rivalries...the eraphone in my right ear keeps me grooving with a song called 'Puth Jatt Tha (street mix)' by a lad called Jassi Sidhu

you can pretty much take my word for the fact that i can't seem to understand a word of what he says...but i love it.....love it like a love struck pup...

my valentine with Jassi ji!

'Cause it's you and me
and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me
and all other people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you'

-you and me

nothing lasts forever....especially not love


but



what would you attempt to do
if you knew you could not fail.....