you are the last piece of paper left with 'me'

Shadows of love,
that run away from,
the darkness they cant touch,
feathers that weigh down,
caught alive,
in your crown of thorns,
that safe strain of a life always hurts,
quiet cries when my eyes never care,
what my heart promises you,
if my dreams know you,
your wheathered love never begged for a life.

Are you painfully safe?
Are you rightfully loved?

From this cage,
will you fly away?

It always started with the eyes,
beginning of a visual gala,
if my senses that you've completely bowled over..

Eyes...lovingly imprisoned in the alter truth of your beauty..

yours...unwittingly

this is how i begin....

"somedays i wana quit..
somedays i feel like shit..
just feel normal for a bit.."

ive been listening to this song everyday...
while driving, during breaks from work, i humm it...
but each time i hear it i understand it in a completely different context from the previous one..

someone once told me..
i cant seek my share of happiness in others..
a common mistake all of us make..
as long as i 'depend' on someone to come and change that very moment thats f***ing you up, by adding a little dash of themselves to it...

"So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',"


ive ended..enough..
recetly ive had an urge "to begin"..

honestly, for a week now, if not more iv seen myself evolve / change (however you want to put it)


i dont want to drink
turned myself into a vegetarian
i've had enough of explaining, and talking and justifying..
especially with the number of walls that im surrounded with..
now i like the silence around me..
i chose to not justify anymore..

ive never understood what Vivekananda said, what Aurobindo preached, i just remember conversations, not people involved in them...just the conversation..


"I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,"


i chose not to be trapeed between the good, bad and the ugly..

i choose to be(with) myself..

No one told me about her..

its strange
so many clouds in my head
and i get my dose of rain with the temporary moments in a day..
nothing that'l last..
moments come and go (im not saying people, they are a part of those moments)..
and leave traces of miniscule atom like memories..
that we try to hold on and drag along with us...
till another day dawns..

Sometimes its damn irritating to open your machine and find Mr. Horoscope turn into Mr. Horrorscope....

this is what was in store for me today -

It's important to keep your financial budget in balance. However, have you ever thought about your emotional resources in the same way? You can't keep spending so much on certain areas that aren't fruitful.



great...rub it in!

"Everyone carries a room about inside them. This fact can even be proved by means of the sense of hearing. If someone walks fast and one pricks up one's ears and listens, say at night, when everything round about is quiet, one hears, for instance, the rattling of a mirror not quite firmly fastened to the wall."

(Franz Kafka, The Blue Notebooks)

Lost, yesterday,
somewhere between sunrise and sunset,
two golden hours,
each set with sixty diamond minutes.
No reward is offered for they are gone forever.

- Horace Mann

if i were rain for the day...

getting out of a place
i dont call home
home that you gave up on
once upon a time
things started to seem better
for that blink of time

rain in my mind
cuts through as my newborn hair
swish swish around my neck whispering
words i dont want to understand..

is the wheather changing
or have you
made it seem like it was never windy before

2 songs
360 degree of life
everythings changing
again...


but me....

for people who've changed...and those who are changing..

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...


- Fort Minor

Dont read this one..hear it..

Here I am,
lost in the light of the moon that comes through my window
Bathed in blue,
the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses
It's you and the roses



Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way
when I see your eyes
Now I'm living
in your afterglow



Here I am,
lost in the ashes of time, but who wants tomorrow?
In between the longing to hold you again
I'm caught in your shadow,
I'm losing control
My mind drifts away, we only have today




Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way
I will sacrifice
'til the blinding day
when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow




When the veils are gone
as I let you go,
as I let you go



Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go
I will find my way,
I will sacrifice
Now I'm living in your afterglow

Bathed in blue,
the walls of my memory divide
the thorns from the roses
It's you who is closest



-Afterglow :INXS

this is how "i" ended..

Don't let all seem to go..
Coz you dont know what you have..
Till its gone..

- Counting Crows


it is the space between "what you have" and "till it's gone" that follows us through the course of life..